Finally.....

This post is all about "I, me, myself". So obviously it's gonna be really long.Even if you manage to read this post in full, I give an applause for your patience. But then again, I don't give you/appreciate you judging me by the words. If you do so, sorry, you wasted your time

Ahem Ahem .. so ... Okay don't judge me that I am being lot-of-attitude-girl kind of look ( or thought ). I am not. This is gonna be the last post of this year in this blog of mine ( You gotta read further before coming to any conclusion ) Yeah, so after a long long struggle between my mysterious brain and lovely heart, I am taking a break from this place. I am hopping onto some other platform, for time being. I have a new blog, new name, new home. But sorry, can't put the URL here. And if you ever thought, you are gonna miss me, wait a minute. There are 2 things I need to let you know. One is I would still be reading ( and from next year, commenting too, hopefully ) all those lovely blogs, so you needn't worry about losing one good reader :). Though my name is changed, people rather bloggers would still be able to know me, from the way I write I guess. That's something I can't change, you know, coz I write beautifully :D hehehehe ..Second, I would return back to this place if and if only, one of my biggest dream come true. Not that all my dreams are broken, every dream has come true at right places, but you know of all little dreams in life, you have that one particular thing you wait for. I have a feeling it would too come true at right time like every dream, but I am highly impatient now. And since me being a big dreamer ( all girls are, believe me ! ) it's hard to keep my mouth shut here.

So for all those who wanted to know what is gonna be my option in writing or discontinuing here, hope you go the answer. You can stop reading now, coz as I told, its all gotta be "I", "me","myself" here. This is gonna be first and last time that I would be talking about myself, things I have rarely shared with people.I am writing this because next time when I log in to this id, I would want to smile often reading how I was and my thoughts were. So Aarti, this is for you , and for some people whom you wouldn't want them to read, but still they are. Well,no problem, nothing is gonna change my attitude.

Life. Wow. If socially, I am facing worst of things, personally this period has been wonderful. Broken relationships, break up, self proving, love, friends, ever high temperated personal life, confused and rough corporate life with double challenges, loneliness, single, freedom, independence, uniqueness, okay i gotta stop warna sare words ki line lag jayegi. Its been amazing, I mean loving thyself.  About 6 months back had someone asked me tell me your strength or weakness, I would have had stared them for 2 min before uttering some non sense. Now I am filled with so much confidence and strength.( bonus weaknesses :P) Okay, I guess I am bragging too much about myself. Let me list out what I had in my mind

• Those who know me now see a different me. I myself didn't knew i could change so much, yet I have. And I have learned to dislike, without having any guilty feeling
• One relationship which was hanging in air finally got buried. No comment on how I feel, coz its both good and bad. But then again, life, my good buddy held me close to it.I thought I wouldn't be able to survive, I am actually, but somewhere though I don't feel like accepting it, a part of me did lost its life. That again is good, coz I am finally out of mess and confusion.
• One truth came out just before I got operated. Ever since, I am trying to be same, truth is I am not. And thankfully I haven't shown to concerned person, it still hurts me till day, even this very moment. I hadn't expected to be target of such game
• I got a job, finally, esp one that i was kind of looking out for. Though the pay is enough to buy n eat peanuts,job is darn challenging and everything is good, except the people there. Many think I am just a graduate and fresh out of college. Hehehehe that's sort of good coz I get to know the real thoughts people think of me. But something pricked me, when the HR manager said i am not mingling with people. I had to rush to washroom and cried. Fatefully, I couldn't be alone there for more than 5 minutes. And my eyes had turned red. But thankfully the girl who came there was a colleger who was on her last working day, as she had come for a project  relating to her course. The very girl had whispered to her friend half an hour that why I was being so shy and not mingling with others.If only I could explain. 
• First half of the year I had read quiet few books which reduced drastically after my operation. Its quiet irritating many times when I can't read just coz of mom. It angers me. ( For all those who think mom-cares-for-you-so much, please excuse)
• I am gonna turn entrepreneur next year, hopefully. Fingers crossed.
• No offense, but I am beginning to hate rather dislike guys especially of Leo sun sign ( My bro is of that sign. Its not that I dislike him, but still I can't trust him, on some important things)I had couple of friends in this sign and the last one who broke up ( hardly a week back, the only friend i was talking to) coz of his big stupid ego.

Its gonna be lil hard from now. I don't want any personal/family members to read, and even if someone are, I would want not to question me or form any opinion about me of things, without knowing any truth.

• I am under great stress.Not that I am depressed. I have almost turned as optimist from pessimist ( in thoughts as with words I am still same)Music helps a lot. Still some thoughts just make me more blank. Like the other day i was watching a movie ( to avoid thinking some rotten stuff ). But after the climax I ended up thinking more, which resulted in nighmare
• This friday, I wanted to talk to someone desperately as I was feeling deep void ( I hate such kind of feeling. Well who likes ! )I scrolled down the contacts to speak to someone, just a random chit chatting would have helped ( not that I am always on look out for persons whom I can blurt out what's troubling me ). There wasn't a single friend. The forwards had reduced sharply from months, and despite having some real good friends, almost with all, I am not having contacts. That hurt me hell.
• My health is in damn bad condition.If only I have enough will power to move on, like I usually have done all these years. But I just can't. My immunity system goes on trip every now and then. I am alive and I am glad for that. 
• I saw someone from my past at a close friend's wedding. No feelings. And I was happy for that. 
• I  am in need of lot of space and independence. Sadly, the more I yearn for it, the wider its away from me.
• One of my close friend (who got married recently) is happy. And I am lot happy seeing him settled and so happy. Though I am lil being selfish as to we wont be able to talk like before. Not new,its been like that since his engagement, we hardly talked. But wedding was like a full stop. 
• I wanna go for studies. Bro told me about it, and though that's impossible, I am hoping for a miracle. My life would change to a great deal, and I would get freedom , though it would be just one year. I might get  raised eyebrows, but I hate to be at home (for the environment and f**king doubts. Mind you, i am good, if not very good/excellent at managing home. And cooking. well i can cook eatable things :P)
• I can't stand intolerance. Esp when its with me in comparison with my sister. Maybe she has gone through rough time, but I have too( I doubt if any body even know about it ? )I can't stand her, for her jealousy, ever search in chance to pull me down, and for work, how much ever small it is. Its strange. We could have been close.Bu in her company/with her around, mom n she most of the times act like villain. I damn hate it. 
• Last but not least. This is something that if anybody from my family knows, I am not sure what i would be thought as or looked as, but it is , to a great extent,true, i mean something that I felt often, more than often. 2 of my friends, of which one was my ex, had asked me if I am adopted. I had laughed off to both of them ( They both were leo's and thank goodness I am not in contact with both), but till this very moment, I am still searching for an answer 

So .....that's all .. Not sure what and why I have written, but its just last time, so i am happy, that next time when I jump back to this place, a new journey would be waiting for me. Ooppsss, I forgot to thank all my readers and commentators :) Its been great reading your feedback and appreciations. Thanks for keeping me going. Love ya all. This blog has given me most smiles, both while writing and reading. I am praying my dream come true soon , so that i revert to this place sooner, and be dreamy, again. Till next time, ciao. 

Love ya all, and heyy happy new year ( hope the world doesn't end in 2012 :P). Wish ya best of luck in all your endeavors !! *hugs* and wishing loads of smiles n love :)

Yours,