Dark Spots

They say

Face is

the mirror of mind

so true it is

in my case

amidst the grey cells

deep inside

there are dark spots

evil color of mine

perhaps that's why

my face couldn't hide

and pimples sprout

I dream

of flawless skin

glowing face

sans cluttered shades

but I am glad

my face does show

spots of impurities

that resides

in every heart

which all try to conceal

but I display it to all.

Finally.....

This post is all about "I, me, myself". So obviously it's gonna be really long.Even if you manage to read this post in full, I give an applause for your patience. But then again, I don't give you/appreciate you judging me by the words. If you do so, sorry, you wasted your time

Ahem Ahem .. so ... Okay don't judge me that I am being lot-of-attitude-girl kind of look ( or thought ). I am not. This is gonna be the last post of this year in this blog of mine ( You gotta read further before coming to any conclusion ) Yeah, so after a long long struggle between my mysterious brain and lovely heart, I am taking a break from this place. I am hopping onto some other platform, for time being. I have a new blog, new name, new home. But sorry, can't put the URL here. And if you ever thought, you are gonna miss me, wait a minute. There are 2 things I need to let you know. One is I would still be reading ( and from next year, commenting too, hopefully ) all those lovely blogs, so you needn't worry about losing one good reader :). Though my name is changed, people rather bloggers would still be able to know me, from the way I write I guess. That's something I can't change, you know, coz I write beautifully :D hehehehe ..Second, I would return back to this place if and if only, one of my biggest dream come true. Not that all my dreams are broken, every dream has come true at right places, but you know of all little dreams in life, you have that one particular thing you wait for. I have a feeling it would too come true at right time like every dream, but I am highly impatient now. And since me being a big dreamer ( all girls are, believe me ! ) it's hard to keep my mouth shut here.

So for all those who wanted to know what is gonna be my option in writing or discontinuing here, hope you go the answer. You can stop reading now, coz as I told, its all gotta be "I", "me","myself" here. This is gonna be first and last time that I would be talking about myself, things I have rarely shared with people.I am writing this because next time when I log in to this id, I would want to smile often reading how I was and my thoughts were. So Aarti, this is for you , and for some people whom you wouldn't want them to read, but still they are. Well,no problem, nothing is gonna change my attitude.

Life. Wow. If socially, I am facing worst of things, personally this period has been wonderful. Broken relationships, break up, self proving, love, friends, ever high temperated personal life, confused and rough corporate life with double challenges, loneliness, single, freedom, independence, uniqueness, okay i gotta stop warna sare words ki line lag jayegi. Its been amazing, I mean loving thyself.  About 6 months back had someone asked me tell me your strength or weakness, I would have had stared them for 2 min before uttering some non sense. Now I am filled with so much confidence and strength.( bonus weaknesses :P) Okay, I guess I am bragging too much about myself. Let me list out what I had in my mind

• Those who know me now see a different me. I myself didn't knew i could change so much, yet I have. And I have learned to dislike, without having any guilty feeling
• One relationship which was hanging in air finally got buried. No comment on how I feel, coz its both good and bad. But then again, life, my good buddy held me close to it.I thought I wouldn't be able to survive, I am actually, but somewhere though I don't feel like accepting it, a part of me did lost its life. That again is good, coz I am finally out of mess and confusion.
• One truth came out just before I got operated. Ever since, I am trying to be same, truth is I am not. And thankfully I haven't shown to concerned person, it still hurts me till day, even this very moment. I hadn't expected to be target of such game
• I got a job, finally, esp one that i was kind of looking out for. Though the pay is enough to buy n eat peanuts,job is darn challenging and everything is good, except the people there. Many think I am just a graduate and fresh out of college. Hehehehe that's sort of good coz I get to know the real thoughts people think of me. But something pricked me, when the HR manager said i am not mingling with people. I had to rush to washroom and cried. Fatefully, I couldn't be alone there for more than 5 minutes. And my eyes had turned red. But thankfully the girl who came there was a colleger who was on her last working day, as she had come for a project  relating to her course. The very girl had whispered to her friend half an hour that why I was being so shy and not mingling with others.If only I could explain. 
• First half of the year I had read quiet few books which reduced drastically after my operation. Its quiet irritating many times when I can't read just coz of mom. It angers me. ( For all those who think mom-cares-for-you-so much, please excuse)
• I am gonna turn entrepreneur next year, hopefully. Fingers crossed.
• No offense, but I am beginning to hate rather dislike guys especially of Leo sun sign ( My bro is of that sign. Its not that I dislike him, but still I can't trust him, on some important things)I had couple of friends in this sign and the last one who broke up ( hardly a week back, the only friend i was talking to) coz of his big stupid ego.

Its gonna be lil hard from now. I don't want any personal/family members to read, and even if someone are, I would want not to question me or form any opinion about me of things, without knowing any truth.

• I am under great stress.Not that I am depressed. I have almost turned as optimist from pessimist ( in thoughts as with words I am still same)Music helps a lot. Still some thoughts just make me more blank. Like the other day i was watching a movie ( to avoid thinking some rotten stuff ). But after the climax I ended up thinking more, which resulted in nighmare
• This friday, I wanted to talk to someone desperately as I was feeling deep void ( I hate such kind of feeling. Well who likes ! )I scrolled down the contacts to speak to someone, just a random chit chatting would have helped ( not that I am always on look out for persons whom I can blurt out what's troubling me ). There wasn't a single friend. The forwards had reduced sharply from months, and despite having some real good friends, almost with all, I am not having contacts. That hurt me hell.
• My health is in damn bad condition.If only I have enough will power to move on, like I usually have done all these years. But I just can't. My immunity system goes on trip every now and then. I am alive and I am glad for that. 
• I saw someone from my past at a close friend's wedding. No feelings. And I was happy for that. 
• I  am in need of lot of space and independence. Sadly, the more I yearn for it, the wider its away from me.
• One of my close friend (who got married recently) is happy. And I am lot happy seeing him settled and so happy. Though I am lil being selfish as to we wont be able to talk like before. Not new,its been like that since his engagement, we hardly talked. But wedding was like a full stop. 
• I wanna go for studies. Bro told me about it, and though that's impossible, I am hoping for a miracle. My life would change to a great deal, and I would get freedom , though it would be just one year. I might get  raised eyebrows, but I hate to be at home (for the environment and f**king doubts. Mind you, i am good, if not very good/excellent at managing home. And cooking. well i can cook eatable things :P)
• I can't stand intolerance. Esp when its with me in comparison with my sister. Maybe she has gone through rough time, but I have too( I doubt if any body even know about it ? )I can't stand her, for her jealousy, ever search in chance to pull me down, and for work, how much ever small it is. Its strange. We could have been close.Bu in her company/with her around, mom n she most of the times act like villain. I damn hate it. 
• Last but not least. This is something that if anybody from my family knows, I am not sure what i would be thought as or looked as, but it is , to a great extent,true, i mean something that I felt often, more than often. 2 of my friends, of which one was my ex, had asked me if I am adopted. I had laughed off to both of them ( They both were leo's and thank goodness I am not in contact with both), but till this very moment, I am still searching for an answer 

So .....that's all .. Not sure what and why I have written, but its just last time, so i am happy, that next time when I jump back to this place, a new journey would be waiting for me. Ooppsss, I forgot to thank all my readers and commentators :) Its been great reading your feedback and appreciations. Thanks for keeping me going. Love ya all. This blog has given me most smiles, both while writing and reading. I am praying my dream come true soon , so that i revert to this place sooner, and be dreamy, again. Till next time, ciao. 

Love ya all, and heyy happy new year ( hope the world doesn't end in 2012 :P). Wish ya best of luck in all your endeavors !! *hugs* and wishing loads of smiles n love :)

Yours,

Certainly Uncertain # 35

Image 

 Those who are different never felt easy at first place 

Worthy-Unworthy

you have all qualities of being worthy

but still to someone you always remain unworthy 

you can be unworthy in world's eyes

but to someone you are worth more than anything

Inkpot

Image 

little drops in the ink pot

a sharp nib takes them out

traces remain on the sheet

but inside there is drought

OSI

Crowd

I looked at her. She was running, in a rat race, where there was already a huge crowd. Our eyes met. I could read her envious thoughts, seeing me walk on the lonely lane with too much space. I smiled. She didn’t knew that I too was a part of the crowd, an invisible crowd.

***

2011 is having its final days. Not sure about the destiny of this blog yet. I want to write daily, but office doesn't allow access to net :-/Let's see what 2012 brings. 2011 stuffed lot of lessons in my brain. And I am glad I started to love the person I was uncomfortable to live with since years : me. 


And just when I was thinking of discontinuing to blog, my indi rank shot up. Though its just one post that has had n number of views, its closest to my heart. I still have 14 more days to decide the fate of this blog. Thank God, I have lots of hours to think. 

The Wait : Part 9

Previous links of the chain : The Wait 


Shalu couldn't keep her mouth shut. She didn't want to ask, but her mind found its way through words. She was concerned from last few days of count down that had begun. Nitin had been her best friend, and she believed that friendship last for life. She knew Nitin practiced this, but hers was an exceptional case. She hated at times for being exception, particularly in cases like this.


" Coz I come from a different world " Shalu didn't need any more explanation. She felt to hear more, though she understood. Girls have a tendency to understand the depth of few words, especially in matter of relationships, maybe because they are groomed that way. She wanted to counter question but stopped. She would wait for THE END.

***

It had been exactly one month since they had met and 22 days since he left. It had been the final meeting, the last time they ever saw each other, and first ever, when Nitin opened his heart. Nitin had said more than she expected, how Subhash was emotionally black mailed by him to take care of his parents while he was away, how regular calls by his parents formed a bond of understanding and importance, etc. But still one question remained, why? What was the need for Subhash to take that step ? She had heard children stepping out of home never to return, as they show in films, but one year ? She could perhaps force herself to accept that his parents, being conservative weren't ready to accept opposite gender's friendship, but why had he stepped out of home and return after a year ? How his parents allowed that ? Or rather how would they accept him back ? That question had been lingering in since the second she shut her mouth. She had demonstrated so many times in her mind, framing and dropping words, expressions, body language to be used while asking this, but her lips were adamant to remain closed.


She didn't realize that her phone was vibrating, and she had received a missed call. It was the second non stop buzz that jolted her thoughts. She noticed how other readers in the library had been disturbed by the irritating vibration, and how long it had been since she was lost in jungle of thoughts. An unknown number was waiting for her to respond.


She fastened her movements and rushed outside library. "Hi love" even before she could respond hello she knew... She waited with bated breath, questions throbbing again inside her brain. She couldn't handle this. Not anymore.

***

December 8, 2011

Strange is life, isn't it diary?. The roller coaster ride just drop all the bolt and nut of your brain. I never knew this would happen To my big list of questions, adding one more, when all this would ever end ? I am tired of waiting, of questioning myself over and over, for which life refuses to answer. It has its hidden motive I know, but then I am too impatient for this. Anyway, throwing aside everything, I wish to tell you something good. remember that phone call I had from Nitin ? Ever since that call, I have changed a lot, everything has. Oh, I am being silly, this is how people react when in love right ?But you have to bear me. Though it has just been a week, it seems like its been a long time since I wrote you. After that call, I haven't right ? hmmmm so this is my story, read on and please be patient. 

Nitin had called up saying things were getting on track, and that the one year gap had brought his parents close. Its strange how people never realize their value when they are close isn't it ?  I was happy to see him happy, actually I very much wanted to hug him, for everything falling into places. He told me that he was coming back to Chennai. It was then I came to know that due to rough patches and mountainous misunderstanding between those three of them, Nitin in a rage had stepped out of home when he came to know of truth to pursue his dream career, which he had sacrificed because of his parents. Once he knew the truth, it stung his mind. But even in rage he didn't forget all the support and  regular life that he led, despite financial crunch in family. Its complicate to explain, and I am not being right in my words, but still hope you can understand I guess. All ended well, and we are back to being friends again. And with that, something else happened too. 

The moment I disconnected the call, I got a call from home, and was called back immediately. I was supposed to meet someone. For my life partner. We had a conversation. I needn't tell you how the hell I was scared. I laugh now thinking of it, but at that time I was damn nervous, as to how should I look, what should I ask, you know... And, guess what, the guy was none other than Subhash! I realized that as soon as we saw each other. You won't believe, but we didn't talk a word, because our mutual connection : Nitin had told both of us, about each other so much that we felt we knew each other from a long time. When our families asked, we nodded for yes, of course not revealing that we knew each other already, because that would sow seeds of doubt about love, which isn't our case! It all sounds like filmy, it is kind of. Omg, I still can't believe! I am getting formally engaged tomorrow and when I called up Nitin, he was blasting me for letting him know so late ( I know Subhash would have already told him about us, but he wanted me to personally tell him )


n heyy don't worry about my opening lines okay .. I had a fight with both of them. And its just a beginning. Let me wait and see what happens tomorrow.. Who apologize first

I have to stop now. Mom's calling. I am waiting for the new chapter of my life to unfurl. Nervous. Excited too, to meet them both, and this time the relationship is gonna change forever. The wait has been worth it .. 

Shalu

PS : So how was it ? Did the story sounded filmy ? I feel there are some parts which needed some stretch, but I had to finish it today, and I wrote what stuck my mind.

Day 2

This blog is turning personal. Anyway, I don't want to miss these little important things of my life. So, as far its making me happy,  (even at cost of hurting someone), its fine. 

So Day 2 had been interesting. I swore in morning that if , unlike yesterday I had to sit doing nothing, I would complain. Thankfully, it didn't happen. Till 11, I had to stare at faces,including going to another branch where all employees were men ( remember the 'Uncles'? Thankfully there were one or two younger than those) and just 2 women among all employees (?? Gender doesn't matter, or do they ? ). So I was given a start, and not to boast, but I did extremely well, that I felt like patting my back ( Its been eons since I felt proud of myself. Okay, yesterday was last :P). After lunch, I almost went to sleep. When i could take that no more, I went to CE and asked for work. He loaded me with it. Typical CE na? We had brief friendly conversation, which made my instinct about him stronger. The work challenged me, in fact was too very challenging. But I loved it, and I knew how much I was loving and missing this. Hmmm before I drag on and on, I wanna shoot it out in points. 

• I walked to office, which means I had 20 min of long walk and climbed stairs upto 4th floor. I was sweating , and strangely I found it so relaxing 
• I got a cute lappy to work on, and thats in pink ( Though pink is not my fav color )
• No internet. Missing to blog, coz I can't blog from home daily. Mom would kick my ass
• Freedom at work. There are no hard and fast rule to work. Strangely, I don't work in any team. I am one of a kind, and in fact first of job role assigned. So no colleagues to talk to. Just sirs to get work from. Which means I have my lunch, coffee alone. But good thing is I no longer feel odd one. I am loving my company, though it would have been better if someone could guide me about the company and its work culture, but I would do it, I know. 
• Work is lot more challenging than I thought, so much so that it tests me a lot. Its gonna take a little while I get used to. But that does mean I would learn and interact with lot of them.
• I am sort of hating the workplace coz I am surrounded by men. Honestly I am beginning to get fed up of them, even the nice ones. 
• Its just been 2 days, and for some reason I am afraid I don't wanna quit this job ( I won't I know. But in case I get committed, its gonna break my heart in this)So atleast for one year I wanna work, and learn a lottt

My lists are never gonna end. So goodnight people. Though I am having no time to even peek into other's blog, I am happy and grateful that I could write about first 2 days of my job. Coz in future i am gonna smile a lot after reading this. 

+ and -

8.12.2011

I want to remember this date. 4 reasons. 

( I will come to the 1st  and important one at last) so for now : 

1. I spoke to P, a friend whom I had almost stopped talking. We were discussing about traits of men and women ( how emotional they are ). And after the brief conversation, the sentence he messaged, which I would never forget. ( It was about keeping friendship and thanking me coming into his life. First person who expressed this )

2. My first day of new job. Although I was bored to the core, ( not even having system to kill time, all uncle types err I mean all serious men, yeah all were typical professional serious type men,  who charged god knows how many bucks to smile ) But regardless of all negative impressions ( except one man, who made me smile, will talk about it later ), I want to work here. The work has challenges and seriously it tested my common sense , just for half an hour though, which seems to be dwindling day by day. ( Proof : The other day I threw the TV remote )

3. This is for someone who I (99%) think is reading this. I got over you. I was angry at you, for not being and keeping the friendship. I am hurt. But honestly, you have thought me how to hate. I wanted to master that art, to save pain. You did the trick It doesn't mean I hate you, but yeah, you are totally stranger to me now, and this I won't forget. Ever.(Coz you used to say even when I pushed you away that no matter what we will be friends FOREVER. You broke your words. And perhaps I won't forgive you for this. Never.)

4. Coming to the important part, remember I said only one man made me smile today in the office ? It was the CE of the company I work ( And he is my reporting person till God knows when ) I love him because he has shown tremendous faith on me. I felt like calling him Uncle rather than sir ( He is of my dad'age or lil younger )And briefing the process, he added training/Coaching. My jaws invisibly touched the floor. I smiled with questions in my eyes. He said : " Why you smiled ? We had agreed during your interview na that you would train us. Let us also improve our English " I was blushing ( I don't know why. And I am smiling recalling this ) That was biggest compliment someone gave me in my whole life. I would never forget this man ( He has genuine good smile, and very open mind and down to earth ). I know I am far  from training someone like him,yet the very thought instilled life in me. Till I am alive I won't forget his little gestures along that huge compliment. Sir, Thanks for trusting and introducing me as a poet to one of the AGM. It felt so proud and happy :)

Update

I haven't decided yet. 


I will blog, but not at this place I feel (99% sure). Still, unsure. Let me first settle in my job, then I would make any decision. Strangely, I am almost blogging daily, but still feel like its been eons since I wrote something. Has the place lost its charm which once upon a time used to cast a spell on me? 


*keeping fingers crossed*


PS : I was supposed to finish of The Wait today, but I couldn't force words to squeeze out. Nitin and Shalu have strangely made me fall in love with them, and I am not having heart to bid them goodbye. ( Does that mean I still love this place ? ). I am going nuts, isn't it ?

Continue?

I have rather this odd feeling. Its me, I mean I am Adg (?), but still, like umpteenth time I feel I am not. Okay, the thing is, this year, except for one good thing, everything has tumbled ( which includes even that one good thing )No doubt, I am have become strongest ( really ! that was a lie :P now that wasn't )But from middle of this year I haven't accepted adg ( except for someone who had forced me to, and that actually worked , for sometime though ) as my own part. ( I am blabbering, ain't I ? 

So the thing is I just want to ask ( to myself or you guys I don't know ), should I continue when the pen name I write under no more gives me any sense of feeling ( The only reason I write apart from letting out is coz my page views doesn't show 0 :/ strange reason isn't it ?! ) I want to write ( yeah I can't quit that ) but don't feel like writing here . Should I continue ? ( Even if you say yes, a part of me is saying no and other as yes :-/ ) Help me solve my confusion ( suggestions taken into account )

The Wait : Part 8

Chain of parts here : The Wait

" I know you are waiting to hear from me. Thanks for your support " Before Shalu could return his words, Nitin continued, " I don't know, I mean I know what is going in your mind " At this Shalu wondered even if he really knew,  coz the circumstances had coiled itself so much that she didn't understood her own colourful pattern of thoughts.

Nitin turned mute, his eyes gazing at the horizon that had no boundaries, no end. Shalu so much wanted this silence to be broken, she was tired of it, to be apt : sick of it, as her curiosity was jumping on bed of patience. Yet she kept quiet and forcefully zipped her lips. Except for the playful waves that occasionally wet their sand dripped feet, leaving their slippers salty, the only other sound they could hear was of their mixed breaths.

" I am an orphan" Shalu turned her head right away at 90 degree angle, to look into his eyes, but Nitin continued to gaze at the peaceful sea, while his eye glands secreted salty water. " They are my parents, but I am not their child, biologically ". Shalu felt as if she already knew this. Maybe instinct ? All along she was framing words as to what to say for anything that came out of his mouth, but now she preferred to keep mum.

" I didn't knew for all these years, until last year. And it did hurt, a lot." Shalu squeezed her palms into his. Nitin almost choked but continued," I don't remember celebrating my birthday all these years, despite being the only son. I wanted to ask them why, while friends used to envy me for being pampered and spoilt, for having no siblings to eat heads. I laughed off, building stories of what a wonderful time I had, enjoying the sole attention. Nobody knew how that lie pricked me, except Subhash. Subhash was my best buddy, and I am thankful to his friendship, will always be, till I am alive." Nitin seemed to drown in flashback, and there was no stopping him. The waves continued to splash, and the salty water refused to dry.

" I could fool the world by decorating beautiful stories, lecture them of advantages of being the single child, the privileges and shower of gifts and pampering and what not, but all that was fake, a mask that I had to shield myself from breaking down with reality, which was planets away from spiced stories. Dad never spoke to me unless and until there was a need. In fact I never remember I asked, let alone speak anything from dad, not even a pencil. My needs were met, and if at all they weren't Subhash was there. I tried everything, by topping my class, by participating almost all the competitions of the world, which might trigger little smile, a kind gesture, a proud pat from dad, but that never happened. Everyday I questioned myself, but last year it gave me all answers. And the answers made me feel why did I wanted the answer at all ?"

" Maybe your father didn't want to adopt. It reminded of .." Shalu blurted out, " I mean sorry. I didn't intend to .."

But Nitin didn't react. It was as if he had seen a tragic movie, and he was telling its story live, his mind filled with stills of picture. " Hmmm. Yes, he never wanted to adopt, because he didn't knew whose blood the child carried .. dirty blood ... " Shalu understood. She understood from his tone, his expressions. There was a mix of hatred and hurt, and a lot of helplessness dipped in unanswered questions. Shalu diverted, " But your mom loves you a lot na? Otherwise you wouldn't talk to her hours on phone .."

" Yeah, I love her, and she loves me most, equal to her husband if not less. But with him beside, she is his wife rather than my mother." That said all. Shalu didn't dig deep. But she wondered about their one year deal. " One year? " she couldn't lock her questions.

( To be contd ..)

PS : Krishnapriya, thank youuu so much for the comments ! Would take your advice, and yeah, I know the story is little dragging, and frequent breaks irritate its flow. Due to lack of time, I have to snap it short. Next part will be the final :)

PPS : Compared to the last part, this part wasn't much satisfying, IMO. But I have to finish of this story in a day or two, after which I might not blog, and The Wait has been waiting for long, can't make it wait more :P

The Wait : Part 7

Read previous parts here : The Wait 

Shalu was waiting for Nitin to open up. He was behaving weird, and that was a good beginning, well atleast he was unfurling the covered truth. But before things could go forward, a couple barged into their space. Shalu felt angry as she knew Nitin would be laughed at, and she wanted to guard him against the world, to teh least, for now, when she can and only she must .. 

She took out her key from her empty handbag and somehow made him sit behind her Activa. This was the first time since in his company she was driving, as it was Nitin who would always drop her few streets away from her house and would refuse to give in to her requests of self driving. She always felt bad for making him drive her all way to her place, while he resided at other end of city, having to cover quiet a long distance with public transportation which soaked some kilo calories. That was the only reason she reduced her number of visits over months. Technology had thankfully saved his energy, and she was happy with virtual communication. 

Nitin was thinking of the times he had rode with her, and her sense of guilt every time he dropped her near home. He felt happy to make her comfortable although he was aware that she didn't want him to have a long journey to his PG room. That was quiet feminine. Today sitting behind her, his rough palms rested around her waist. For a moment, Shalu who was already nervous as to driving without a helmet, and a man behind her seat, could visualize the consequence if someone accidentally watched her. But as his grip tightened, she shut doors of that part of brain which scared her always. He wanted support, and only she was, and only she  could offer him, at least for the moment.

Marina Beach was hardly a five minute drive from the road opposite Cafe Ashvitha. But since they had been on the wrong side, she had to take a U turn which was a little far, stretching the drive to eleven minutes. The first five minutes had melted quickly, but from sixth minute, with the hug, her heart began to race faster than the accelerator. She squeezed the 11 minute into a 8 minute togetherness, the compressed two minute hiding her fear, and at the same time offering him comfort, which he was very much in need of. As the sun was still releasing its strong rays, the crowd had stayed away from the hot sand, leaving the parking space and the roasted sand almost deserted. The duo walked silently, their feet sinking with thirsty sand. As they reached their waves, the vast sea resembled Shalu who resembled the role of a responsible friend, while the restless waves resembled Nitin who was swinging between using his common sense and blankness. 

Nitin, for first time in minutes came in complete consciousness as to where he was. He didn't knew how it changed his feelings, was it the company or the breeze or their combination ? He just knew he would feel light here. Finally. And then it dawned him of his behaviour during the drive. He didn't want Shalu to give wrong signals. He was aware of her extra softness towards him, which gestured first seeds of love. She was his best friend now, more than Subhash, and the hurt inside had squirmed his movements. Would she understand that? Hopefully he wondered.

Shalu answered the unexpected call, which couldn't be silenced. And in those 48 seconds of brief exchange of words over phone she grasped thoughts wavering inside Nitin's mind. She cut the call and assured him " Its fine.I understand. Don't worry." Nitin felt little relaxed. But the next second the emotions that had suddenly become invisible, came back. The truth had to be stripped, and he inhaled deep breaths. He waited for waves to rest, but they kept coming... just like his truth..

Shalu had shown tremendous patience. She had waited longest she felt. The sea was silent, yet the waves broke the silence ..It was time the sea of secrets spilled some salt .. 

( To be contd)

PS : Need to know your feedback. Comment :P

Pieces

Dreams float in dark space 

a gravitational pull

they fall in pieces 

Haiku Heights 

Fd Up

This is personal. Do not read or comment. 

Someday when I read this, I know I will be surprised, but then I also know how helpless I was ...

Its been a bad start, this month. I so very feel fucked up, so very.. I never want to go for a trip again with family, never ever. More than the physical exhaustion, all my brain cells are collapsing. I wish I could do something. I feel like eloping. To prevent that, I have no option but to vent out somewhere. I am darn frustrated. The only school friend I had been in contact with, I broke up. Couldn't offer any consoling words to her problematic married life when I am myself not in my senses. And no, I ain't begging or in need of consoling words. I hate anyone who pity me. The least I expected was I would find some loving words from some persons of my life, in this blog. And ( Thanks Riya, dilse )no body wrote, and yes, I am very very angry despite .. forget it. I screwed up an interview. My head is still in dizzy for so longg and continuous travel. There was something personal I blurted out to a friend. since then its been okay, but again talking to that person makes me more angry as despite being friendly-stranger, and repeated requested of writing here, he didn't. But its not coz of that. I mean I am just frustrated , with everyone around me, including myself. I wish I could do something. I am sure 'some' people revolving around my life will be surprised when they read this, yet I don't care. I have stopped having any feeling. I am least bothered and to an extent have become heartless. I was having hope of joining somewhere but some news came in, and before I could rejoice, I have gone into further depression. Okay, I am not into depression, just that I am lot lot frustrated. 

Anyway. Its of no use now. Whatever I have become, all my emotions and carelessness towards family, and 'some' best buddies, I am not to be blamed. My career, love, education, friendship, relationship is now on jolts. There is one reason I am living for, which thank goodness no one is aware of, except He. And I have to move on. Yet I can't stand. Some people advice me to ignore . And that makes me wonder how can anyone standing near a gutter can ignore the smell? You can't help it, but the stink stinks. And no, my life or emotions ain't a gutter, nor I would let them stand them near such rot places.Something is gonna happen soon. If its good for me, it would be lot bad for world around me, and if its bad for me, the surrounding persons are going to be happy And I am waiting, for good or bad I don't know. 

Blogging now would seem a distant dream once things change, which are changing over night. If I wake up everyday alive, maybe its coz somebody is praying. And I don't know when they are gonna be disappointed( Nah, I would never commit suicide, never)Yet nobody knows how long I am gonna be alive. And I pray it never be long, never. 

And to all those who know me, this is to you: Don't try to talk about it, or judge me by my words above. You haven't seen lot many shades of me. And the day I die, you would regret and cry a lot, but i wouldn't be there. And at that time, I will smile from above or below( if i go to hell)I don't know if hell is worse than this, but to a girl, the world is hell. and even good people sometimes are demon. 

Small things do matter

She was walking alone on the road while going back her home. Her eyes sparkled whenever she saw students of her age having fun in shops and driving a car. 


Her negative mind felt jealous of them and said " How lucky they are !! " 


Positive mind replied " Huh, they are having fun on their Parents' money. One day i'll have on my own " 


She smiled and inspired to achieve her dreams. Her eyes twinkled which were full of ambitions and dreams.


P.S: I thought to share one of dreamy posts on the "Journey of dreams". I am very thankful to Aarti for inviting me on her space to write a guest post. Aarti is a nice girl with sweet voice. I know her since i joined blog world. It is always nice to read her posts and to read her comments on my blog posts. I still remember that how i used to smile after reading her comment on my sad post. She always made me feel better. Thank you so much for making me smile. I feel really very happy to met you in the journey of my life.


Best Wishes for you :)
Keep Smiling :)
Keep Rocking ;)