Another rambling..

Lost
and found 

to be lost again 

All along 

I crawl 

only to get up 

but I fall 

I have the spirit 

to rise

and face all challenges 

but now I want to cry

I can't 

can't handle at all 

No, i am not weak 

but no more want to be strong 

I have seen enough 

enough of good and bad 

at times i regret being alive

at times i am glad 

I dont know 

if it all started 

when one person walked away 

a great part of me

ever since, has lost way

I try 

and have succeeded 

to patch 

my broken pieces

but my heart 

still aches 

I know 

whats lost 

is now lost forever 

but how can 

the one

who still have my heart 

be a stranger ?

I scroll my contacts

only to see his name missing 

i have lost my senses

the numeric combination

is no more in my memory 

I ponder 

if all that was 

true at all 

is it always my fate 

or i have 

too many flaws?

I wish 

and no matter 

how hard i try 

I want to erase 

some scars 

which hurt me 

every night 

For once 

i want to be happy 

its not that i am not 

i am 

but not really happy 

I see people 

facing tough times 

and most of them 

have 

friends to confide 

I wonder 

where have all my friends ? 

Did i really push them away 

or they parted
excusing I fight ?

I see people 

climbing heights

and it hurts me deep

when will i ?

I see people 

cuddling in warm hands 

that are lovely 

and i cry 

when will i have 

a loving family ?

I have sense 

yet dont make sense these days

I am grateful

yet there is nothing i could appreciate

Pep talks 

at times help 

but loneliness 

makes my misery double

I wish 

to be important 

to some person 

and dont suffer 

heart breaks often 

I dont need any solace 

but trustworthy hands 

who wouldnt leave me midway 

and be a true friend 

I remember my past 

and am grateful to some 

it hurts now 

thinking of all the fun 

Persons who walked in my life 

moulding and turning me

gave new dreams 

of friend,companion, daughter, wife

Now all this 

deepens the hurt 

i wish and i really wish 

i was dead 

But i know 

i will survive 

the only difference is 

my heart would 

continue to beat

but inside 

I have already died