Journey of dreams

Finally.....

2011-12-25T16:36:00.001+05:30

This post is all about "I, me, myself". So obviously it's gonna be really long.Even if you manage to read this post in full, I give an applause for your patience. But then again, I don't give you/appreciate you judging me by the words. If you do so, sorry, you wasted your time

Ahem Ahem .. so ... Okay don't judge me that I am being lot-of-attitude-girl kind of look ( or thought ). I am not. This is gonna be the last post of this year in this blog of mine ( You gotta read further before coming to any conclusion ) Yeah, so after a long long struggle between my mysterious brain and lovely heart, I am taking a break from this place. I am hopping onto some other platform, for time being. I have a new blog, new name, new home. But sorry, can't put the URL here. And if you ever thought, you are gonna miss me, wait a minute. There are 2 things I need to let you know. One is I would still be reading ( and from next year, commenting too, hopefully ) all those lovely blogs, so you needn't worry about losing one good reader :). Though my name is changed, people rather bloggers would still be able to know me, from the way I write I guess. That's something I can't change, you know, coz I write beautifully :D hehehehe ..Second, I would return back to this place if and if only, one of my biggest dream come true. Not that all my dreams are broken, every dream has come true at right places, but you know of all little dreams in life, you have that one particular thing you wait for. I have a feeling it would too come true at right time like every dream, but I am highly impatient now. And since me being a big dreamer ( all girls are, believe me ! ) it's hard to keep my mouth shut here.

So for all those who wanted to know what is gonna be my option in writing or discontinuing here, hope you go the answer. You can stop reading now, coz as I told, its all gotta be "I", "me","myself" here. This is gonna be first and last time that I would be talking about myself, things I have rarely shared with people.I am writing this because next time when I log in to this id, I would want to smile often reading how I was and my thoughts were. So Aarti, this is for you , and for some people whom you wouldn't want them to read, but still they are. Well,no problem, nothing is gonna change my attitude.

Life. Wow. If socially, I am facing worst of things, personally this period has been wonderful. Broken relationships, break up, self proving, love, friends, ever high temperated personal life, confused and rough corporate life with double challenges, loneliness, single, freedom, independence, uniqueness, okay i gotta stop warna sare words ki line lag jayegi. Its been amazing, I mean loving thyself. About 6 months back had someone asked me tell me your strength or weakness, I would have had stared them for 2 min before uttering some non sense. Now I am filled with so much confidence and strength.( bonus weaknesses :P) Okay, I guess I am bragging too much about myself. Let me list out what I had in my mind

Those who know me now see a different me. I myself didn't knew i could change so much, yet I have. And I have learned to dislike, without having any guilty feeling
One relationship which was hanging in air finally got buried. No comment on how I feel, coz its both good and bad. But then again, life, my good buddy held me close to it.I thought I wouldn't be able to survive, I am actually, but somewhere though I don't feel like accepting it, a part of me did lost its life. That again is good, coz I am finally out of mess and confusion.
One truth came out just before I got operated. Ever since, I am trying to be same, truth is I am not. And thankfully I haven't shown to concerned person, it still hurts me till day, even this very moment. I hadn't expected to be target of such game
I got a job, finally, esp one that i was kind of looking out for. Though the pay is enough to buy n eat peanuts,job is darn challenging and everything is good, except the people there. Many think I am just a graduate and fresh out of college. Hehehehe that's sort of good coz I get to know the real thoughts people think of me. But something pricked me, when the HR manager said i am not mingling with people. I had to rush to washroom and cried. Fatefully, I couldn't be alone there for more than 5 minutes. And my eyes had turned red. But thankfully the girl who came there was a colleger who was on her last working day, as she had come for a project relating to her course. The very girl had whispered to her friend half an hour that why I was being so shy and not mingling with others.If only I could explain.
First half of the year I had read quiet few books which reduced drastically after my operation. Its quiet irritating many times when I can't read just coz of mom. It angers me. ( For all those who think mom-cares-for-you-so much, please excuse)
I am gonna turn entrepreneur next year, hopefully. Fingers crossed.
No offense, but I am beginning to hate rather dislike guys especially of Leo sun sign ( My bro is of that sign. Its not that I dislike him, but still I can't trust him, on some important things)I had couple of friends in this sign and the last one who broke up ( hardly a week back, the only friend i was talking to) coz of his big stupid ego.

Its gonna be lil hard from now. I don't want any personal/family members to read, and even if someone are, I would want not to question me or form any opinion about me of things, without knowing any truth.

I am under great stress.Not that I am depressed. I have almost turned as optimist from pessimist ( in thoughts as with words I am still same)Music helps a lot. Still some thoughts just make me more blank. Like the other day i was watching a movie ( to avoid thinking some rotten stuff ). But after the climax I ended up thinking more, which resulted in nighmare
This friday, I wanted to talk to someone desperately as I was feeling deep void ( I hate such kind of feeling. Well who likes ! )I scrolled down the contacts to speak to someone, just a random chit chatting would have helped ( not that I am always on look out for persons whom I can blurt out what's troubling me ). There wasn't a single friend. The forwards had reduced sharply from months, and despite having some real good friends, almost with all, I am not having contacts. That hurt me hell.
My health is in damn bad condition.If only I have enough will power to move on, like I usually have done all these years. But I just can't. My immunity system goes on trip every now and then. I am alive and I am glad for that.
I saw someone from my past at a close friend's wedding. No feelings. And I was happy for that.
I am in need of lot of space and independence. Sadly, the more I yearn for it, the wider its away from me.
One of my close friend (who got married recently) is happy. And I am lot happy seeing him settled and so happy. Though I am lil being selfish as to we wont be able to talk like before. Not new,its been like that since his engagement, we hardly talked. But wedding was like a full stop.
I wanna go for studies. Bro told me about it, and though that's impossible, I am hoping for a miracle. My life would change to a great deal, and I would get freedom , though it would be just one year. I might get raised eyebrows, but I hate to be at home (for the environment and f**king doubts. Mind you, i am good, if not very good/excellent at managing home. And cooking. well i can cook eatable things :P)
I can't stand intolerance. Esp when its with me in comparison with my sister. Maybe she has gone through rough time, but I have too( I doubt if any body even know about it ? )I can't stand her, for her jealousy, ever search in chance to pull me down, and for work, how much ever small it is. Its strange. We could have been close.Bu in her company/with her around, mom n she most of the times act like villain. I damn hate it.
Last but not least. This is something that if anybody from my family knows, I am not sure what i would be thought as or looked as, but it is , to a great extent,true, i mean something that I felt often, more than often. 2 of my friends, of which one was my ex, had asked me if I am adopted. I had laughed off to both of them ( They both were leo's and thank goodness I am not in contact with both), but till this very moment, I am still searching for an answer

So .....that's all .. Not sure what and why I have written, but its just last time, so i am happy, that next time when I jump back to this place, a new journey would be waiting for me. Ooppsss, I forgot to thank all my readers and commentators :) Its been great reading your feedback and appreciations. Thanks for keeping me going. Love ya all. This blog has given me most smiles, both while writing and reading. I am praying my dream come true soon , so that i revert to this place sooner, and be dreamy, again. Till next time, ciao.

Love ya all, and heyy happy new year ( hope the world doesn't end in 2012 :P). Wish ya best of luck in all your endeavors !! *hugs* and wishing loads of smiles n love :)

Yours,

Certainly Uncertain # 35

2011-12-24T17:54:00.002+05:30

Image

Those who are different never felt easy at first place

Worthy-Unworthy

2011-12-22T20:01:00.001+05:30

you have all qualities of being worthy

but still to someone you always remain unworthy

you can be unworthy in world's eyes

but to someone you are worth more than anything

Inkpot

2011-12-18T15:52:00.001+05:30

Image

little drops in the ink pot

a sharp nib takes them out

traces remain on the sheet

but inside there is drought

OSI

Crowd

2011-12-17T16:16:00.001+05:30

I looked at her. She was running, in a rat race, where there was already a huge crowd. Our eyes met. I could read her envious thoughts, seeing me walk on the lonely lane with too much space. I smiled. She didn’t knew that I too was a part of the crowd, an invisible crowd.

***

2011 is having its final days. Not sure about the destiny of this blog yet. I want to write daily, but office doesn't allow access to net :-/Let's see what 2012 brings. 2011 stuffed lot of lessons in my brain. And I am glad I started to love the person I was uncomfortable to live with since years : me.

And just when I was thinking of discontinuing to blog, my indi rank shot up. Though its just one post that has had n number of views, its closest to my heart. I still have 14 more days to decide the fate of this blog. Thank God, I have lots of hours to think.

The Wait : Part 9

2011-12-11T15:08:00.003+05:30

Previous links of the chain : The Wait

Shalu couldn't keep her mouth shut. She didn't want to ask, but her mind found its way through words. She was concerned from last few days of count down that had begun. Nitin had been her best friend, and she believed that friendship last for life. She knew Nitin practiced this, but hers was an exceptional case. She hated at times for being exception, particularly in cases like this.

" Coz I come from a different world " Shalu didn't need any more explanation. She felt to hear more, though she understood. Girls have a tendency to understand the depth of few words, especially in matter of relationships, maybe because they are groomed that way. She wanted to counter question but stopped. She would wait for THE END.

***

It had been exactly one month since they had met and 22 days since he left. It had been the final meeting, the last time they ever saw each other, and first ever, when Nitin opened his heart. Nitin had said more than she expected, how Subhash was emotionally black mailed by him to take care of his parents while he was away, how regular calls by his parents formed a bond of understanding and importance, etc. But still one question remained, why? What was the need for Subhash to take that step ? She had heard children stepping out of home never to return, as they show in films, but one year ? She could perhaps force herself to accept that his parents, being conservative weren't ready to accept opposite gender's friendship, but why had he stepped out of home and return after a year ? How his parents allowed that ? Or rather how would they accept him back ? That question had been lingering in since the second she shut her mouth. She had demonstrated so many times in her mind, framing and dropping words, expressions, body language to be used while asking this, but her lips were adamant to remain closed.

She didn't realize that her phone was vibrating, and she had received a missed call. It was the second non stop buzz that jolted her thoughts. She noticed how other readers in the library had been disturbed by the irritating vibration, and how long it had been since she was lost in jungle of thoughts. An unknown number was waiting for her to respond.

She fastened her movements and rushed outside library. "Hi love" even before she could respond hello she knew... She waited with bated breath, questions throbbing again inside her brain. She couldn't handle this. Not anymore.

***

December 8, 2011

Strange is life, isn't it diary?. The roller coaster ride just drop all the bolt and nut of your brain. I never knew this would happen To my big list of questions, adding one more, when all this would ever end ? I am tired of waiting, of questioning myself over and over, for which life refuses to answer. It has its hidden motive I know, but then I am too impatient for this. Anyway, throwing aside everything, I wish to tell you something good. remember that phone call I had from Nitin ? Ever since that call, I have changed a lot, everything has. Oh, I am being silly, this is how people react when in love right ?But you have to bear me. Though it has just been a week, it seems like its been a long time since I wrote you. After that call, I haven't right ? hmmmm so this is my story, read on and please be patient.

Nitin had called up saying things were getting on track, and that the one year gap had brought his parents close. Its strange how people never realize their value when they are close isn't it ? I was happy to see him happy, actually I very much wanted to hug him, for everything falling into places. He told me that he was coming back to Chennai. It was then I came to know that due to rough patches and mountainous misunderstanding between those three of them, Nitin in a rage had stepped out of home when he came to know of truth to pursue his dream career, which he had sacrificed because of his parents. Once he knew the truth, it stung his mind. But even in rage he didn't forget all the support and regular life that he led, despite financial crunch in family. Its complicate to explain, and I am not being right in my words, but still hope you can understand I guess. All ended well, and we are back to being friends again. And with that, something else happened too.

The moment I disconnected the call, I got a call from home, and was called back immediately. I was supposed to meet someone. For my life partner. We had a conversation. I needn't tell you how the hell I was scared. I laugh now thinking of it, but at that time I was damn nervous, as to how should I look, what should I ask, you know... And, guess what, the guy was none other than Subhash! I realized that as soon as we saw each other. You won't believe, but we didn't talk a word, because our mutual connection : Nitin had told both of us, about each other so much that we felt we knew each other from a long time. When our families asked, we nodded for yes, of course not revealing that we knew each other already, because that would sow seeds of doubt about love, which isn't our case! It all sounds like filmy, it is kind of. Omg, I still can't believe! I am getting formally engaged tomorrow and when I called up Nitin, he was blasting me for letting him know so late ( I know Subhash would have already told him about us, but he wanted me to personally tell him )

n heyy don't worry about my opening lines okay .. I had a fight with both of them. And its just a beginning. Let me wait and see what happens tomorrow.. Who apologize first

I have to stop now. Mom's calling. I am waiting for the new chapter of my life to unfurl. Nervous. Excited too, to meet them both, and this time the relationship is gonna change forever. The wait has been worth it ..

Shalu

PS : So how was it ? Did the story sounded filmy ? I feel there are some parts which needed some stretch, but I had to finish it today, and I wrote what stuck my mind.

Day 2

2011-12-09T21:00:00.002+05:30

This blog is turning personal. Anyway, I don't want to miss these little important things of my life. So, as far its making me happy, (even at cost of hurting someone), its fine.

So Day 2 had been interesting. I swore in morning that if , unlike yesterday I had to sit doing nothing, I would complain. Thankfully, it didn't happen. Till 11, I had to stare at faces,including going to another branch where all employees were men ( remember the 'Uncles'? Thankfully there were one or two younger than those) and just 2 women among all employees (?? Gender doesn't matter, or do they ? ). So I was given a start, and not to boast, but I did extremely well, that I felt like patting my back ( Its been eons since I felt proud of myself. Okay, yesterday was last :P). After lunch, I almost went to sleep. When i could take that no more, I went to CE and asked for work. He loaded me with it. Typical CE na? We had brief friendly conversation, which made my instinct about him stronger. The work challenged me, in fact was too very challenging. But I loved it, and I knew how much I was loving and missing this. Hmmm before I drag on and on, I wanna shoot it out in points.

I walked to office, which means I had 20 min of long walk and climbed stairs upto 4th floor. I was sweating , and strangely I found it so relaxing
I got a cute lappy to work on, and thats in pink ( Though pink is not my fav color )
No internet. Missing to blog, coz I can't blog from home daily. Mom would kick my ass
Freedom at work. There are no hard and fast rule to work. Strangely, I don't work in any team. I am one of a kind, and in fact first of job role assigned. So no colleagues to talk to. Just sirs to get work from. Which means I have my lunch, coffee alone. But good thing is I no longer feel odd one. I am loving my company, though it would have been better if someone could guide me about the company and its work culture, but I would do it, I know.
Work is lot more challenging than I thought, so much so that it tests me a lot. Its gonna take a little while I get used to. But that does mean I would learn and interact with lot of them.
I am sort of hating the workplace coz I am surrounded by men. Honestly I am beginning to get fed up of them, even the nice ones.
Its just been 2 days, and for some reason I am afraid I don't wanna quit this job ( I won't I know. But in case I get committed, its gonna break my heart in this)So atleast for one year I wanna work, and learn a lottt

My lists are never gonna end. So goodnight people. Though I am having no time to even peek into other's blog, I am happy and grateful that I could write about first 2 days of my job. Coz in future i am gonna smile a lot after reading this.

+ and -

2011-12-08T19:58:00.001+05:30

8.12.2011

I want to remember this date. 4 reasons.

( I will come to the 1st and important one at last) so for now :

1. I spoke to P, a friend whom I had almost stopped talking. We were discussing about traits of men and women ( how emotional they are ). And after the brief conversation, the sentence he messaged, which I would never forget. ( It was about keeping friendship and thanking me coming into his life. First person who expressed this )

2. My first day of new job. Although I was bored to the core, ( not even having system to kill time, all uncle types err I mean all serious men, yeah all were typical professional serious type men, who charged god knows how many bucks to smile ) But regardless of all negative impressions ( except one man, who made me smile, will talk about it later ), I want to work here. The work has challenges and seriously it tested my common sense , just for half an hour though, which seems to be dwindling day by day. ( Proof : The other day I threw the TV remote )

3. This is for someone who I (99%) think is reading this. I got over you. I was angry at you, for not being and keeping the friendship. I am hurt. But honestly, you have thought me how to hate. I wanted to master that art, to save pain. You did the trick It doesn't mean I hate you, but yeah, you are totally stranger to me now, and this I won't forget. Ever.(Coz you used to say even when I pushed you away that no matter what we will be friends FOREVER. You broke your words. And perhaps I won't forgive you for this. Never.)

4. Coming to the important part, remember I said only one man made me smile today in the office ? It was the CE of the company I work ( And he is my reporting person till God knows when ) I love him because he has shown tremendous faith on me. I felt like calling him Uncle rather than sir ( He is of my dad'age or lil younger )And briefing the process, he added training/Coaching. My jaws invisibly touched the floor. I smiled with questions in my eyes. He said : " Why you smiled ? We had agreed during your interview na that you would train us. Let us also improve our English " I was blushing ( I don't know why. And I am smiling recalling this ) That was biggest compliment someone gave me in my whole life. I would never forget this man ( He has genuine good smile, and very open mind and down to earth ). I know I am far from training someone like him,yet the very thought instilled life in me. Till I am alive I won't forget his little gestures along that huge compliment. Sir, Thanks for trusting and introducing me as a poet to one of the AGM. It felt so proud and happy :)

Update

2011-12-07T13:04:00.001+05:30

I haven't decided yet.

I will blog, but not at this place I feel (99% sure). Still, unsure. Let me first settle in my job, then I would make any decision. Strangely, I am almost blogging daily, but still feel like its been eons since I wrote something. Has the place lost its charm which once upon a time used to cast a spell on me?

*keeping fingers crossed*

PS : I was supposed to finish of The Wait today, but I couldn't force words to squeeze out. Nitin and Shalu have strangely made me fall in love with them, and I am not having heart to bid them goodbye. ( Does that mean I still love this place ? ). I am going nuts, isn't it ?

Continue?

2011-12-05T19:24:00.000+05:30

I have rather this odd feeling. Its me, I mean I am Adg (?), but still, like umpteenth time I feel I am not. Okay, the thing is, this year, except for one good thing, everything has tumbled ( which includes even that one good thing )No doubt, I am have become strongest ( really ! that was a lie :P now that wasn't )But from middle of this year I haven't accepted adg ( except for someone who had forced me to, and that actually worked , for sometime though ) as my own part. ( I am blabbering, ain't I ?

So the thing is I just want to ask ( to myself or you guys I don't know ), should I continue when the pen name I write under no more gives me any sense of feeling ( The only reason I write apart from letting out is coz my page views doesn't show 0 :/ strange reason isn't it ?! ) I want to write ( yeah I can't quit that ) but don't feel like writing here . Should I continue ? ( Even if you say yes, a part of me is saying no and other as yes :-/ ) Help me solve my confusion ( suggestions taken into account )

The Wait : Part 8

2011-12-05T14:24:00.001+05:30

Chain of parts here : The Wait

" I know you are waiting to hear from me. Thanks for your support " Before Shalu could return his words, Nitin continued, " I don't know, I mean I know what is going in your mind " At this Shalu wondered even if he really knew, coz the circumstances had coiled itself so much that she didn't understood her own colourful pattern of thoughts.

Nitin turned mute, his eyes gazing at the horizon that had no boundaries, no end. Shalu so much wanted this silence to be broken, she was tired of it, to be apt : sick of it, as her curiosity was jumping on bed of patience. Yet she kept quiet and forcefully zipped her lips. Except for the playful waves that occasionally wet their sand dripped feet, leaving their slippers salty, the only other sound they could hear was of their mixed breaths.

" I am an orphan" Shalu turned her head right away at 90 degree angle, to look into his eyes, but Nitin continued to gaze at the peaceful sea, while his eye glands secreted salty water. " They are my parents, but I am not their child, biologically ". Shalu felt as if she already knew this. Maybe instinct ? All along she was framing words as to what to say for anything that came out of his mouth, but now she preferred to keep mum.

" I didn't knew for all these years, until last year. And it did hurt, a lot." Shalu squeezed her palms into his. Nitin almost choked but continued," I don't remember celebrating my birthday all these years, despite being the only son. I wanted to ask them why, while friends used to envy me for being pampered and spoilt, for having no siblings to eat heads. I laughed off, building stories of what a wonderful time I had, enjoying the sole attention. Nobody knew how that lie pricked me, except Subhash. Subhash was my best buddy, and I am thankful to his friendship, will always be, till I am alive." Nitin seemed to drown in flashback, and there was no stopping him. The waves continued to splash, and the salty water refused to dry.

" I could fool the world by decorating beautiful stories, lecture them of advantages of being the single child, the privileges and shower of gifts and pampering and what not, but all that was fake, a mask that I had to shield myself from breaking down with reality, which was planets away from spiced stories. Dad never spoke to me unless and until there was a need. In fact I never remember I asked, let alone speak anything from dad, not even a pencil. My needs were met, and if at all they weren't Subhash was there. I tried everything, by topping my class, by participating almost all the competitions of the world, which might trigger little smile, a kind gesture, a proud pat from dad, but that never happened. Everyday I questioned myself, but last year it gave me all answers. And the answers made me feel why did I wanted the answer at all ?"

" Maybe your father didn't want to adopt. It reminded of .." Shalu blurted out, " I mean sorry. I didn't intend to .."

But Nitin didn't react. It was as if he had seen a tragic movie, and he was telling its story live, his mind filled with stills of picture. " Hmmm. Yes, he never wanted to adopt, because he didn't knew whose blood the child carried .. dirty blood ... " Shalu understood. She understood from his tone, his expressions. There was a mix of hatred and hurt, and a lot of helplessness dipped in unanswered questions. Shalu diverted, " But your mom loves you a lot na? Otherwise you wouldn't talk to her hours on phone .."

" Yeah, I love her, and she loves me most, equal to her husband if not less. But with him beside, she is his wife rather than my mother." That said all. Shalu didn't dig deep. But she wondered about their one year deal. " One year? " she couldn't lock her questions.

( To be contd ..)

PS : Krishnapriya, thank youuu so much for the comments ! Would take your advice, and yeah, I know the story is little dragging, and frequent breaks irritate its flow. Due to lack of time, I have to snap it short. Next part will be the final :)

PPS : Compared to the last part, this part wasn't much satisfying, IMO. But I have to finish of this story in a day or two, after which I might not blog, and The Wait has been waiting for long, can't make it wait more :P

The Wait : Part 7

2011-12-04T16:17:00.002+05:30

Read previous parts here : The Wait

Shalu was waiting for Nitin to open up. He was behaving weird, and that was a good beginning, well atleast he was unfurling the covered truth. But before things could go forward, a couple barged into their space. Shalu felt angry as she knew Nitin would be laughed at, and she wanted to guard him against the world, to teh least, for now, when she can and only she must ..

She took out her key from her empty handbag and somehow made him sit behind her Activa. This was the first time since in his company she was driving, as it was Nitin who would always drop her few streets away from her house and would refuse to give in to her requests of self driving. She always felt bad for making him drive her all way to her place, while he resided at other end of city, having to cover quiet a long distance with public transportation which soaked some kilo calories. That was the only reason she reduced her number of visits over months. Technology had thankfully saved his energy, and she was happy with virtual communication.

Nitin was thinking of the times he had rode with her, and her sense of guilt every time he dropped her near home. He felt happy to make her comfortable although he was aware that she didn't want him to have a long journey to his PG room. That was quiet feminine. Today sitting behind her, his rough palms rested around her waist. For a moment, Shalu who was already nervous as to driving without a helmet, and a man behind her seat, could visualize the consequence if someone accidentally watched her. But as his grip tightened, she shut doors of that part of brain which scared her always. He wanted support, and only she was, and only she could offer him, at least for the moment.

Marina Beach was hardly a five minute drive from the road opposite Cafe Ashvitha. But since they had been on the wrong side, she had to take a U turn which was a little far, stretching the drive to eleven minutes. The first five minutes had melted quickly, but from sixth minute, with the hug, her heart began to race faster than the accelerator. She squeezed the 11 minute into a 8 minute togetherness, the compressed two minute hiding her fear, and at the same time offering him comfort, which he was very much in need of. As the sun was still releasing its strong rays, the crowd had stayed away from the hot sand, leaving the parking space and the roasted sand almost deserted. The duo walked silently, their feet sinking with thirsty sand. As they reached their waves, the vast sea resembled Shalu who resembled the role of a responsible friend, while the restless waves resembled Nitin who was swinging between using his common sense and blankness.

Nitin, for first time in minutes came in complete consciousness as to where he was. He didn't knew how it changed his feelings, was it the company or the breeze or their combination ? He just knew he would feel light here. Finally. And then it dawned him of his behaviour during the drive. He didn't want Shalu to give wrong signals. He was aware of her extra softness towards him, which gestured first seeds of love. She was his best friend now, more than Subhash, and the hurt inside had squirmed his movements. Would she understand that? Hopefully he wondered.

Shalu answered the unexpected call, which couldn't be silenced. And in those 48 seconds of brief exchange of words over phone she grasped thoughts wavering inside Nitin's mind. She cut the call and assured him " Its fine.I understand. Don't worry." Nitin felt little relaxed. But the next second the emotions that had suddenly become invisible, came back. The truth had to be stripped, and he inhaled deep breaths. He waited for waves to rest, but they kept coming... just like his truth..

Shalu had shown tremendous patience. She had waited longest she felt. The sea was silent, yet the waves broke the silence ..It was time the sea of secrets spilled some salt ..

( To be contd)

PS : Need to know your feedback. Comment :P

Pieces

2011-12-03T17:40:00.000+05:30

Dreams float in dark space

a gravitational pull

they fall in pieces

Haiku Heights

Fd Up

2011-12-02T21:42:00.000+05:30

This is personal. Do not read or comment.

Someday when I read this, I know I will be surprised, but then I also know how helpless I was ...

Its been a bad start, this month. I so very feel fucked up, so very.. I never want to go for a trip again with family, never ever. More than the physical exhaustion, all my brain cells are collapsing. I wish I could do something. I feel like eloping. To prevent that, I have no option but to vent out somewhere. I am darn frustrated. The only school friend I had been in contact with, I broke up. Couldn't offer any consoling words to her problematic married life when I am myself not in my senses. And no, I ain't begging or in need of consoling words. I hate anyone who pity me. The least I expected was I would find some loving words from some persons of my life, in this blog. And ( Thanks Riya, dilse )no body wrote, and yes, I am very very angry despite .. forget it. I screwed up an interview. My head is still in dizzy for so longg and continuous travel. There was something personal I blurted out to a friend. since then its been okay, but again talking to that person makes me more angry as despite being friendly-stranger, and repeated requested of writing here, he didn't. But its not coz of that. I mean I am just frustrated , with everyone around me, including myself. I wish I could do something. I am sure 'some' people revolving around my life will be surprised when they read this, yet I don't care. I have stopped having any feeling. I am least bothered and to an extent have become heartless. I was having hope of joining somewhere but some news came in, and before I could rejoice, I have gone into further depression. Okay, I am not into depression, just that I am lot lot frustrated.

Anyway. Its of no use now. Whatever I have become, all my emotions and carelessness towards family, and 'some' best buddies, I am not to be blamed. My career, love, education, friendship, relationship is now on jolts. There is one reason I am living for, which thank goodness no one is aware of, except He. And I have to move on. Yet I can't stand. Some people advice me to ignore . And that makes me wonder how can anyone standing near a gutter can ignore the smell? You can't help it, but the stink stinks. And no, my life or emotions ain't a gutter, nor I would let them stand them near such rot places.Something is gonna happen soon. If its good for me, it would be lot bad for world around me, and if its bad for me, the surrounding persons are going to be happy And I am waiting, for good or bad I don't know.

Blogging now would seem a distant dream once things change, which are changing over night. If I wake up everyday alive, maybe its coz somebody is praying. And I don't know when they are gonna be disappointed( Nah, I would never commit suicide, never)Yet nobody knows how long I am gonna be alive. And I pray it never be long, never.

And to all those who know me, this is to you: Don't try to talk about it, or judge me by my words above. You haven't seen lot many shades of me. And the day I die, you would regret and cry a lot, but i wouldn't be there. And at that time, I will smile from above or below( if i go to hell)I don't know if hell is worse than this, but to a girl, the world is hell. and even good people sometimes are demon.

Small things do matter

2011-12-01T11:14:00.001+05:30

She was walking alone on the road while going back her home. Her eyes sparkled whenever she saw students of her age having fun in shops and driving a car.

Her negative mind felt jealous of them and said " How lucky they are !! "

Positive mind replied " Huh, they are having fun on their Parents' money. One day i'll have on my own "

She smiled and inspired to achieve her dreams. Her eyes twinkled which were full of ambitions and dreams.

P.S: I thought to share one of dreamy posts on the "Journey of dreams". I am very thankful to Aarti for inviting me on her space to write a guest post. Aarti is a nice girl with sweet voice. I know her since i joined blog world. It is always nice to read her posts and to read her comments on my blog posts. I still remember that how i used to smile after reading her comment on my sad post. She always made me feel better. Thank you so much for making me smile. I feel really very happy to met you in the journey of my life.

Best Wishes for you :)
Keep Smiling :)
Keep Rocking ;)

Oopss :P

2011-11-22T20:01:00.001+05:30

Sorry for sneaking in :P

I am taking a little break from blogging ( read going out of station ) December being a special month ( as my 'real' birth date repeats every year :P ), I decided to surprise myself with something that would fill me with smiles. So inviting some blogger friends of mine who have unknowingly inspired me to blog ( 500+ posts is the biggest record of my life *showing sparkling teeth* )

The sad part is I can read them only when I am back ( that would be beginining of Dec *sad face* ) which means I can't introduce them to you nor comment :-/ Nevertheless, I am happy my blog would be in safe hands ( hopefully *fingers crossed* :P). As you can see, Valli has already started. Thanking in advance to all the bloggies for their brief stay in my Journey of Dreams. Love ya all and hugs

Note to guest bloggers : Write only good stuffs about me, okay? *evil smile*

*love n hugs*

Moon vs Stars ☾★★

2011-11-22T16:53:00.001+05:30

(Image taken from here)

Hey Friends!!....I would like to share one of my favorite poem : 'Moon vs Stars' with all of you :)
Here it goes ......

I wonder why people are fond of moon over stars
though it has invisible hidden scars

It changes its shape with the time and the season
Don't know what might be the reason

It is sometimes white, sometimes yellow
It never has the same original glow

It glows, stealing the radiance of the mighty sun
Stars have individuality, they don't depend on anyone

They shine with their own spark
They glitter like tiny lamps in the dark

Yes, stars are in million, Moon is unique and one
But, Moon got so much praise because stars are in million

Without stars, just imagine the sky!
'Ahh! It is incomplete!' I guess you would reply!!

Hope you enjoyed reading it :)

It's an honour to write a guest post on my creative friend Aarti's blog :) I would like to say few words about her....First of all, She is mysterious, Donno when she disappears or appears...Just like a spark....But, Spark is full of joy even if it for one second. I feel her presence in the same way :) Secondly, She is really creative and imaginative..I love her works...Especially, haiku's....Hope you will continue writing many more beautiful poems, haiku's and stories...All the best Aarti :) Keep smiling :)

It's time to move on ..

2011-11-21T10:49:00.002+05:30

Something is troubling you, unsure of what. There were times when you used to say write a verse for me, coz that used to make you smile.Today couldn't help but write what came to my mind when I saw something 'very painful' .. This is for you, and hope you are reading this .. Not sure if that would make you smile, but still hope that helps, in some way ..

All I could see now

is some pain you are trying to hide

seeking some peace

your words can't hide plight

I am clueless

as to what to say you

for you have been the only

stronger in us

Some knots are clogged inside

let the heat around you

melt them and make you feel light

In those traffic of thoughts

where you are wandering alone

masking the hurt and emptiness

behind that cheerful tone

My dear wisest friend

tell me how can I make you smile ?

which of the words

will stop the tear to slide ?

You are not the one to be blamed

if something doesn't workout

the way you thought

you are a fighter I know

till the end you always fight

Yes, for no fault of you

people do leave you mid way

yes that twinges

agreed, that will leave you grey

But my dear friend

don't forget to smile

for every battle needs that curve

to make you feel alright

I know you don't need

my advice

for you brim with positive spirit

and are wise

Yet I can't help

seeing you helpless

its not you

hopeful yet hopeless

Yes I am not aware

of what you are going through

I have been selfish

absorbed in my own worries , true

There is one thing

I would like you to say

whatever be the circumstances

how much ever deep the heart breaks be

look above

there will be a soul you can see

who is looking after you

like a child

she wants you

really wants you to smile

for she is away

yet she is nearest

she is your dearest

who whispers in the singing breeze

who is your ink

who is your muse, which she often tease.

Nearby is an angel

who loves you lot

I know you haven't forgot

yet I hope they give you all strength you need

let their presence be the seed

for the new life

that's waiting to sprout

OSI

Urn

2011-11-19T13:03:00.002+05:30

Obese thoughts are clogged

increases weight of mind, makes

heart hollow like urn

Haiku Heights
PS : Thanks to Leo for letting me know about the extra syllable in first line

The Wait : Part 6

2011-11-18T13:47:00.002+05:30

Read previous 5 parts here

(..contd)

"Yes .. just one year .." Nitin started to blabber, as if he was speaking to himself, as if he was reminding himself what he had never forgotten all these months.

"Lets move to the parking lot " Shalu had paid the bill already, but forgot to keep tips. The waiter gave her angry look, but by then the couple had already moved past the transparent door. He muttered as to how much he hated lovers, who half the time lived in their own dream world, oblivious to the people around them.

Nitin didn't realize that he was walking a long way to parking. The area was deserted, except for a girl who was waiting, perhaps for her boyfriend. But to Nitin, the earth had all of a sudden had dearth of people at his side. He, in his mind's eyes, could see all people standing against him, instructing at every little thing. If not for Shalu, Nitin would have hit some tree by now and his forehead would have been bleeding, and he still wouldn't have felt anything, for that one question had took away all his senses, who, with combined effort had masked his emotions so well all these months, with everyone, with Shalu ..

Nitin never knew how long it had been since he leaned over his bike, he didn't knew whether it had been hours or even seconds that Shalu had wrapped him in her hug, but he was beginning to come back to reality, a reality which he was already lost in.

Nitin began to gather his thoughts. Shalu closed his cheeks with her trembling hands, quiet aware that she has touched most hurtful part of his life. She wanted to take back her words and just opened her dried lips to say that she didn't want any answer. She was already trying to accept him, as the question ad brought a total different personality of his which she had never witnessed even in his dullest moods. But she wanted him to share his pain, Oh if only he could say! "Its okay" was all she could soothe him with aching heart.

Nitin looked in her eyes. There was so much warmth in them, he loved those brown eyes which had always comforted him, which had given an unknown strength, which had so much pain that at times he forgot his own.And inadvertently his thoughts threaded with words "Have you ever known how much it hurts when someone very close don't wish you on your birthday?"

It pricked Shalu. Yes, she knew how much that does hurt. The faces that gave her pain. How could some one who said they cared and loved her so much could forget to wish her on her special day? But that was not the time to relive that hurt. Nitin needed her and so she stamped all those thoughts in the bottom of her heart, where even Nitin didn't knew what all lay beneath it. She just responded with a nod.

"No, I mean, what if your parents don't wish you on your birthday? Not once, but every year?" Shalu felt numb. Except for the tight closed Nitin's palms within her hand she couldn't feel anything, except for the pain that trickled in his eyes, she couldn't see anything. She was proud of having known this person every bit, and now as if all that seemed nothing, when she saw this new face, this new helplessness, which she never thought he ever felt.

Shalu was breaking down. She felt as if all along she was being fooled by her own confidence of knowing Nitin. How come she never tried to take off the veil he was wearing all along? He had always brushed aside the topic of his family, of his past, by talking about his passion, his job, his colleagues. The only thing he talked about was Subhash and how much he missed him in this new city.

"I used to think they might have forgotten it. Once or twice was okay. But every year? They don't know how much I had cried" Nitin was blabbering. Today he felt like a 2 year old struggling to form a sentence and convey what he wanted to. He gave a long pause, which Shalu deciphered that he was trying to convey something that had devastated him inside all along.

"I am... I.. They..me..." he tried, but almost choked. "They aren't ...I mean, they are... but I am..."he buried his face within the lines of fate, breaking down

There was a confused look on her face now. She didn't know whether to stop him or let him bring out his secret. She wanted to help him, but seeing his tear stained face, her little brain also refused to give out instructions. She didn't knew what it was, but it pained her, and that was clearly visible on her shrunken face

"I ... am no one" Shalu was more puzzled. What does that 'no' stood for? What it meant? He was so much to her, more than a friend, less than a lover, something which languages world over had forgotten to frame a term, and how could he be no one? And one word which he had said sometime before : parents, stuck her and she shivered at that thought. Was he ... ?

( To be cont. )

Words for my blog : "Do not read them"

2011-11-17T14:03:00.000+05:30

My world is dark

just like skin of my blog

Some words visible

others diluted in black

I wish to go away

far

miles away

but you are inside

how do I throw you out?

Words

you console me

Words

you break me

the more I run away

closer you call me

Are you the answer

to all that's jumbled

or is it you

who made my dreams crumble

You bestowed me

many a wonderful memories

you are a part

of my present's tragedy

smiles or tears

for which shall I be grateful ?

Love, smile, friendship

you gifted

Left me with more emptiness

as they parted

I wish I could sum up

and let out all that's in me

but nothing in me or my life

is interesting

of what I imagined

and what have I turned

In my own fire of passion

let my fingers burned

I had made two promises

both of which I intend to keep

one was to always be with you

no matter how life turns out

the other was to keep distance from you

no matter how much I am hurt

I am standing at a point

where I keep just falling

though I am being stronger

my knees are going weak

I look at past and smile

I look at present I still smile

but in between these smiles

some tears I hide

Maybe thats how life is

Maybe thats the reality

of any relationship

when all breaks down

hope peeps in with smile

and crush the heart

thats already fragile

Can you understand

what I am blabbering ?

or you too will desert me

as I am too complicating ?

Will you tell all those

to whom my heart belongs

will they sing when I am dead

those lines of song ?

those words and gestures of love

will still make me smile

from above

but for that there are years to go

as I dont intend to die soon

for, I will have more time

to write more words

and this shall only remain

my only proof of love

of all that I wished and

dreamt in my dreams

Certainly Uncertain # 34

2011-11-16T16:43:00.001+05:30

Image

A hole :
lets the light in
or has darkness found a new way out
invisibly ?

Feelings in words

2011-11-15T16:29:00.001+05:30

Image

They say

we can't write

deep feelings

Does that mean

whatever one write

has less feelings in it

even if words come

straight from heart ?

The Wait : Part 5

2011-11-14T15:17:00.006+05:30

Previous Parts here

(contd)

"So how was it?" Nitin couldn't help asking the moment he saw Shalu sitting alone. He didn't liked himself when he made her wait these days, and that was the only time when he cursed his 'cool' job.

"First have a seat" she saw strange eyes staring at her when Nitin voiced out his concern in loud tone.

Nitin didn't mind the looks, because he knew everyone always have their own stories to tell rather than peek into stranger's tables.The world wasn't that good."Temme what happened at the interview?" He got more worried seeing wrinkles on her forehead.

Just then the waiter appeared with a Strawberry milkshake who had been instructed by Shalu to make its sudden appearance, as soon as Nitin comes. Seeing the pink frosty liquid filled with brim in curvy glass, Nitin loosened his lips that he had been biting out of anxiety.

"You bitch" he looked at her, his face reflecting a mixed emotion of anger and happiness, sipping his favorite shake. "Now stop pretending serious" as he saw her naughty smile turning serious. "Shalu stop" he said in some louder tone. When he noticed that something was really troubling her, "What happened?" his voice softened with genuine concern.

"You are happy with my job right?" Shalu broke the uncomfortable silence.

"Of course I am. What question was that" He focussed on pink milk again.

"Very happy?" she confirmed again

"Hmmm" he continued to sip

"Then can I ask you something? If you promise not to deny that?" Shalu felt the time had come. And she was preparing herself for that.

" Anything. I am very happy today, for you, for us" he looked straight in her eyes unable to understand what had disturbed her so deep suddenly that the long cherished dream, which had finally come true, didn't received its due celebration. "Ask" he got impatient.

"Remember this place?" Nitin's expressions changed. He knew what was coming up.

"It was here we met, 11 months back." and everything rolled like a film in his mind. Tired, depressed he sat in this cafe, unaware of what to do, where to go whom to approach, unaware of any questions for which he had already prepared answers. But now it seemed the questions changed, despite being the same. As he was pondering over all that happened few days back, how things changed overnight, of Subhash, of his mom and dad, he heard silent sobs. He raised his hands to wipe tears on his cheeks, when he realized that he hadn't shed a single drop. He looked around and found a girl dressed in lavender top, head buried inside her twisted arm, hiding away from world, trying to stop her tears, but her pain wasn't listening to her common sense.

He looked at the staff who were murmuring and some of them even laughing at her. He felt pity for her helpless state and straight went to the table. He hesitated, but next moment, ignoring all thoughts and looks, tried to soothe her. She blurted out that she was waiting for some one special, who had promised to meet up. He casually said, "Maybe its me? " he winked. She smiled and forwaded her right hand for a hand shake," I am Shalu"

"Nitin, Nitin?" Shalu brought him back to present, which had, ever since their meeting, been beautiful, until few seconds back.

Nitin felt like he was woken from a dream, yet the dream was still beside him. Shalu didn't drag the silence more. "From the moment we started to know each other, you always have said that you have only a year left, . You forbade me to ask why. Today I want to know that 'why'. Tell me Nitin, please? What is the reason? Why can't we be together? Why our relation is meant for just one year? Why Nitin?"

The question had at last come. Nitin felt it was time to reveal the truth. It's of no use to make her wait, not anymore..

( to be continued )

PS : A special thanks to KrishnaPriya. Had it not been her positive comments, I wouldn't have penned this story this far ! :)

Pair

2011-11-13T12:02:00.001+05:30

Image

Two opposites. Walks on same road

Six Word Stories

PS : Its been a long time since I wrote SWS, one of my most loveable form. And I am happy it came out fairly well ! :) Its my 21st SWS :P

Obsessed

2011-11-12T18:32:00.002+05:30

Image

Obsessed with death yet

insecurities slip, like

sands in hourglass

Haiku Heights, One Single Impression

PS : I wasn't aware that my comments wasn't working. Thanks to Deepak for notifying me that. Now its in form :)

The Ring Finger

2011-11-11T10:24:00.001+05:30

He held her hand tight, like he always did, whenever she was about to break. But today she just rested her empty head on his heavy shoulders. After the cold breeze mingled with their breath, she straightened her neck, releasing her tightly clutched fingers from his sweaty palms, showing him her ring finger.

You see this finger, its a part of our hand, always together with other fingers. Yet its always alone, of no use in anything. In fact, it can't even stand on its own. Even I am like this na?

He was expecting this. So he let her loosen the strings which she had tightly roped her heart with

Yes, and that's what I want. Because it deserves this, and before she could understand, she saw her finger sparkling with a simple diamond ring that changed the very look of her hand, and expressions

Will that finger be mine? he winked.

Pearls of Dream

2011-11-10T11:32:00.003+05:30

Its Thursday has a quote this week. So based on that, a poem that came out randomly

"It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow." - Robert Schuller

Image

Amidst emptiness

the pearl shines bright

is loneliness glittering ?

Or has the hollowness

thickened its veil

over a period of time

and fake itself

as sparkling?

My dreamy pearls

tightly closed in a shell

lies barren

untouched

with time

its skin will sizzle

and outshine

the confined darkness

PS : I liked this poem. Do read.

Turn

2011-11-09T16:08:00.000+05:30

Image

In hitches of life

drink love drops, muster courage

to turn fleeting dreams

3WW, Sensational Haiku Wednesday

I failed in that ..

2011-11-09T14:44:00.000+05:30

Some day

I came into this world

unaware of my own presence

yet to my parents

I made a promise

to be best of a daughter

to keep up the name

in exchange of love

Alas, I failed in that ...

Some day

I was introduced

to some people

as my siblings

to them I silently promised

to be sweet and naughty

and create

a life of memories

Alas, I failed in that ...

Some day

when I was still innocent

a circle encircled me

in company of friends

I made another promise

to continue sharing

good and bad times

Alas, I failed in that ...

Some day

when hormones changed

in a special company

a part of me

unknowingly got exchanged

I made a promise

to make the fairy tale real

Alas, I failed in that ...

Some day

when bigger dreams

kept me awake

I promised

to let go of my sleep

and cross chains of restrictions

to make dream come true

Alas, I failed in that ..

Some day

I felt the feeling of love

with him I forgot the world

those sparks in his eyes

A new sunrise

I made a promise

to love you more and more

and walk together on this lonely road

Alas, I failed in that ...

Some day

when virus of depression

attacked by bruised soul

I promised to get up

and smile for all things I still had

Alas, I failed in that

And today

when I stand and look back

the layers of failures

fail me more

I failed in this

I failed in that

But never have I failed

in getting up again

never shall I

fail in that ..

Should I ?

2011-11-08T13:50:00.002+05:30

There is this feeling

I want to get rid away with

I need to tell you

a lot of things

but I keep quiet

You are reading my silence

but I don't know how far

you understand it right

I feel the need

to put what all I can

in words

but I never want

you to read them

I prefer to suffer

and that's alright

Being too expressive

I wonder how come

you keep everything inside

and continue to pretend

as if all this is normal

while inside you still fight

Or is this really normal ?

Does every story has an end like this ?

I have let you free

but still somewhere

I hold you tight

I have stopped blaming

I have stopped expecting

but still when I think

I can't help crying

Have I really freed you from my clutches ?

Wont I ever feel again your touch ?

I let the distance build tall walls

where I jump in again and again

and fall

I prefer getting hurt

and push you more far

some corner of me

wants you back

but I will never let you near

closed chapters wouldn't be read back

At times I can't help

and still tell you my helplessness

knowing nothing can be done

you can't be the one

but old habits die too hard

and the more I speak to you

the more I fall apart

This cycle will go on

but just for sometime

and a moment will come

when you can't wont be able to find

a part of your heart

which I will take away

far away
from where
never shall I return

PS : This poem was written for some one in particular ( I know you are reading this, and yes, its you ), but as words begin to flow, images of few persons flashed in my mind. ( which of course, they aren't aware of)

Birdie

2011-11-06T19:34:00.001+05:30

Image

Beyond the freedom

above its wings

louder than songs

hardships in height

scaring seasonal changes

lone continuous hopping

unending grain search

prying hungry eyes

scattered deserted nests

between two worlds

even for birdie

life isn't easy

One Single Impression

The Wait : Part 4

2011-11-06T16:19:00.001+05:30

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3

(contd.)

" Sach hai ki dil to dukha hai

humne magar socha hai

dil ko hai gum kyun

aankh hain num kyun

hona hi tha jo hua hai

us baat jo jaane bhi do

jiska nishan

kal ho na ho .."

Nitin had put on the song for about 5th time now in his music player from mobile. Those last 3 lines somehow gave him peace and also made him restless. He hummed those lines whenever it was played,sans his voice, making them reach deeper inside those ventricles. He was sure of his decision, but now he felt as if he had made a big blunder.

He dreaded being alone. All along he had Subhash for company, and now he felt as if he had willfully thrown himself into a hive where all bees would sting his wounded heart again and again. Who said world was a good place to live? But he had no choice, the decision was made, his decision.

He thought about his mom and dad. They would be heart broken,but thankfully Subhash would take care of them. One year would pass away soon. And that was eating him up like anything.

***

Shalu recited every prayer she remembered at that time, Please God, no, no, pleaseeeee.

"Excuse Me?Do you have two Rs.10. Sorry I need to pay for parking and I don't have change" he smiled. Shalu stared at him. She veiled her chaotic mind with a fake smile, and took out the change and handed to him. Her mother kept an eye, but when he turned back after a thank you, she didn't bother. Shalu started off her bike and drove out of the mall. She felt elated. As she zipped through the traffic, her mobile vibrated. She couldn't hide her broad smile this time. She knew it was from him. Surely he would have something to say ..

"Twas nyc mtg u :)" she checked her message while in lift. "Ma,I want to try out the dress now !" Shalu didn't want her mother to shoot questions about her sudden excitement, so despite hating to try out the new dress like a typical girl, she came up on own before her mother would force her to try again and check the fitting. She smiled again. The day turned from boring to a special day. And all of a sudden it dawned to her that he shouldn't have been her. What was he doing in this city? At the mall? She had to meet, and unlike every time, she now had invented a reason to step out of the house. She was excited but at the same time, she was afraid to meet him up. Months of virtual friendship was now blooming into real friendship, which meant sudden changes on the way they see each other, swinging of expectations, real interaction, and a lot more than she her mind could presently think of.

As she lied on her bed that night, Shalu was thinking of all the dresses she had. She was going to meet her best friend tomorrow. Best person of her life. She used to plan a lot of things, but always in dreams, because she was sure that she would never meet him. They were miles apart. But in a day everything changed. He was here, and she wanted to look at her best. Of course looks didn't mattered anymore, but still she felt it was her responsibility to look pretty which she always replied whenever he would teasingly question " How do you look ? ". However, it lasted few seconds when her trail of thoughts shifted to recent events. It had been three weeks since they spoke properly. Some gap was widening itself, and both were comfortable with each other's silence. He never told he was coming here, she was hurt. Has friendship changed its colors ? She was confused. Her mind stated the fact, but she couldn't accept that. Why is he here? Why did he never told me anything? Is everything okay? Has he changed ? No Shalu, he hasn't. Even you haven't spoken to him if he didn't call you. He might have had a busy time just like you right? But he is in Chennai, and that's got to be something serious. Oh I hope everything is alright. Nothing is wrong .. she realized she was thinking too many things at same time. And all of a sudden she smiled. He always used to say " You are like a typical girl, which I know you don't agree to. Don't think too much on everything okay? Relax stupid" Would he now know why she thinks too much ? She tossed in her bed for sometime. And below the blue satin covered pillow she took out her darling (mobile), and looked at his name from the phone book, smilingly. " I love you" she waited for tomorrow, and wanted time to stop for sometime. This feeling was beautiful. And so would be our meeting ..

( To be continued ..)

Mystery

2011-11-05T11:59:00.002+05:30

Image

A new color or

usual different you

mystery remains

Haiku Heights, Haiku my Heart

The Wait : Part 3

2011-11-04T13:23:00.003+05:30

Part 1 & Part 2

For some reason, I feel that the story has no life in it,despite being a story. So I am experimenting with my writing from this part onwards. Sorry if its disappointing, but I am learning! :)

(Contd..)

Nitin bid goodbye to Subhash. It was the second most tough thing in his life. The first was the decision which he had already made, en route sticking to it. Subhash couldn't hold back his tears. He was a man who believed "tears are only for women", and although he had no idea why women break down for every little stupid thing in the world, he just knew that off 1000 times they cry, at least one of the reason might be something heart breaking like this..

Both friends hugged each other tight. They wanted to collect the years of memories in seconds that were left with them, and lock inside a part of heart. In their minds they re lived their friendship moments, every little prank they had mischievously planned for each other, the egoistic fights between them, the long drives, the blue films they had watched with their group, the sexual talks, the techie stuffs, their long career discussions, their ex-girlfriends,it all seemed a illusion now.

It was the signal that reminded them that it was time to part ways. Nitin seemed to be numb, all though his brain continuously worked on things to be done, at the same time refusing to rub off every close memory. The good, bad, happy, hurtful instances of his life curtailed his vision, while his grey cells tirelessly worked about his next step and how to implement his plan. The countdown had already begun ..

***

Shalu knew whatever she just saw was real. He was here. But she was still confused. Is he really here? She had seen his photo roughly 2 years back : the only time they exchanged their photos, just to get a glimpse of the person, so that they could visualise each other's face and imagine their reactions as they interacted. She immediately took out her mobile which had been thrown into a corner of her big handbag. Oh how she hated her favourite handbag that carried all her accessories and other emergency things.. Her head was bent down as she stepped onto the escalator that transported her to the parking lot. Finally she found her darling and immediately texted him. If you are him, you will reply, she was sure.

" In the B row, in the parking lot, a white kurti girl is standing. See her. But don't talk" and she pressed the sent button.

Thankfully this time the network didn't take much time to deliver her message. He was so near.. And black clouds started to cover her pure heart, the thundering sound terrifying her, its voice, which only she could hear, began to get louder. She would have run to him, but her mom's company, that she was thankful for few minutes back, suddenly started to prick like thorns.

She saw him taking his mobile out of the rugged blue jeans. That's when she noticed the bright sunshine yellow shirt he was wearing that had an inch of orange thick horizontal line. His hair had been washed, and he wore a stubble, that made him look quite matured in his wheatish complexioned face. And that's when she noted that he was far more good looking than his photo. But that was two years back. People change, so do their face. He is ... cute. She bit her lips so that her mom doesn't notice her smile.Shalu hurried to the parking lot, quite sure he was coming behind her. She wanted to turn back, smile at him and talk non stop, as they always do, but she couldn't. She had to act normal, and that was next to impossible when she knew she was just few steps away from him. She didn't knew what to pray to God. She was more than happy to see him here, and wondering at her luck that she could see him, in real, as a person.She was dying all these months to meet him, and now when the chance came, she couldn't! WTF ? She felt helpless..

She pressed her key inside the lock, so that she could start her silver activa, the bike she had had wonderful rides, alone, all of which he knew .. She always told him every little thing of life, that were special to her ..As she pushed her bike backwards, breaking the chain of neatly stacked lines, she saw his face right opposite to her front wheel. Her face lost its charm, as she thought all excuses that could be woven when her mother would shower with stock of questions...

" Excuse me" he spoke.. Shalu felt as if that was the last day on earth she would live. Her mom would kill her right away..

( To be continued...)

PS : Special thanks to KP for reminding me to add on the 'to be continued' part .. In an excitement, I had forgotten that :P

The Wait : Part 2

2011-11-03T13:14:00.001+05:30

Part 1

( ..contd)

Nitin stared at the antique watch. He had a passion for antique collections,though he was always short of money to buy or even have a collection of his own. This one was gifted by Subhash as a surprise gift on his birthday which co-incidentally clashed with receipt of an offer letter from a company, which he got after 9 months of struggle for job hunting. Nitin always kept his prized possession nearest to him.

" Shub, can I have sometime for myself? " Nitin broke the long silence. Subhash left the room, aware of the emotional turmoil his friend was going through. Nitin stared the watch that was now resting on his book of quotes.

You can't push it underground

You can't stop it screaming out

How did we come to this?

You will suck the life out of me ..

-Muse, Time is running out

He felt so close to the words, as if someone had already knew this was coming for him, and designed those words. He felt like breaking down. He didn't. He continued to pack his bag, the words still ringing inside his head.

In ten minutes he stuffed everything which he thought would be needful, cast a glance and came out of the room. Subhash kick start the bike and both friends went in for their last ride ..

***

Shalu was bored. The short walk to market somehow made her feel good. Before I slip into it again, let me do some timepass and she opened her blog. She started to scribble something, and deleted it.She repeated it for some time, scribbling and deleting scattered words that reflected her life. "What are you doing?" a voice suddenly popped. She was getting tired of this voice that accompanied her everywhere. "Oh shut up" she blasted in silence. Shalu closed the screen and preferred to do blog hopping. That was her favorite time killer.. She kept the mouse busy, making it dance according to the waves of her brain. At one blog, the mouse rested for some time as her eyes were glued to a story that made her restless body sit still, except for her eyeballs, which were swinging left and right. Hardly when she finished the story, her mom came beside and demanded her to accompany to shopping. Shalu hated shopping, especially with her mom. She was a typical women, who would turn the shop upside down but still wouldn't select a thing that she needed. Shalu had no choice but to accompany her.

Express Avenue was one of the city's biggest mall sprawled with spacious stores, alluring window shoppers. Shalu was happy as her mother had agreed to shop in the mall. This was the first time she would select her birthday dress in a mall! Oh how exciting! I love shopping! Yuppieee!!! She was jumping with joy in her heart, but outside she was calm and composed as she always looked.

After about 2 hours of continuous hopping from one brand shop to another she selected a simple embroidered pink chudhidhar. Her mom liked it the moment she saw, and Shalu too had a liking for the simple dress.It wasn't normal that the mother and daughter choose same piece as they had different taste. They were opposites, and in her case 'opposites repelled'. Today is different, she smiled in her mind

As she proceeded towards the parking area, for a moment, she felt as if her heart had forgotten to beat..

***

( To be continued ...)

Written for Its Thursday

Image Source : xDenise

Poem/Quote : Its Inside the picture itself :P

The Wait : Part 1

2011-11-02T14:19:00.001+05:30

The headaches had started again. She could feel the cells inside her brain moving to and fro. Her head felt heavy all of a sudden. She wanted to faint. And the people around hospitalise her, family surrounding her bed, concerned about her sudden fall, and the doctor coming out of the lab, with test reports in his hands, head bent down, and declare " Brain Tumour : Last stage" as all shocking eyes try to absorb all the words that his lips exhaled.

" Shalu, now stop imagining" she pinched herself. " It happens only in stories, not in real life" Even as she murmured to herself, some part of her brain knew that this story was happening somewhere, at some corner of earth. She started to walk, to divert her mind from weird stuffs that blocked the regular traffic of thoughts that usually crowded her mind." Everything will be alright okay, everything will be fine" She kept saying to herself, somewhat in a louder tone. All passer-by stared at her, but she hardly looked at them. Their faces showed what they were thinking about her, but she ignored. She tried to, for, the utmost important thing was to shoot out the negative ions that were building up in her mind.

She headed for home, aware that she doesn't have an escape from that. She had to go there, no matter what. She dragged her feet and went inside the complex. She loved her new home. It was exactly like what she used to dream of , compact and classy, atleast it looked classy. She pressed the elevator button, waiting for lift to come down. She was in no mood of taking up the stairs today, as all her fundas of climbing for good health were flying in the air.

The red button flashed as she pressed 2, highlighting her destiny she was forced to go to. She took a deep breath and pressed the doorbell ..

***

"Are you sure? I hope you know what are you doing?" Subhash tried to sound confident and supportive of his friends decision, but his voice shivered.

"Yes" and Nitin went silent.

Subhash stared at him. It was unusual of Nitin to reply in monologue. And now his silence worried him more. Perhaps it was time to get used to this silence... Not much of time left ..

***

( To be continued ...)

Journey of Dreams

2011-11-01T18:15:00.000+05:30

Journey are meant to continue ... No matter what ..

Empty

2011-10-16T16:22:00.001+05:30

Image

Blank paper

overflowing thoughts

some scribbles

empty heart

OSI

Apart

2011-10-15T19:23:00.002+05:30

Image

A lifeless white sheet

colors turn it vibrant, wind blows

and tears it apart

Haiku Heights

This happens only in India - Part 1

2011-10-14T15:14:00.004+05:30

Yeah, I am here to brag about the 'Incredible' India :P Since that's a comprehensive topic, I would be posting about it, in parts. Do share if I miss out something :P After all, we Indians have always too much to comment on everything, and how can I miss 'fault-finding' ;)

#1.Roads

What's life without journey ? What's India without its 'unique' roads :P So lemme get straight to the bullets err points I mean :P

1. Rise in petrol prices is directly proportional increased driving in "No Entry" zone

2. After a sucking a lot of public energy, common (read common man's) blood (its cheap you see :P) and spending crore of money ( whose money is it anyway ? ), roads are laid down, only to be dug up again in few months for "maintenance" works :P

3. Diligent use of one way as two way ( what an idea sirji ! )

4. When 55 seconds of wait is okay ( err..not okay, I mean you have to) in traffic signal, but the last 5 seconds are meant to break off, and zoom before it signals green ( if at all, its working ;))

5. As city people often praise the calm village life, they often forget the problems villagers face. So in order to make people love city more, the government helps in letting the rain water get blocked in streets, so that the dwindling desire of heading to distant places start to look scary.

6. Drivers of bigger vehicles - car, auto, tempos, and not to forget the bus and lorry. ( Did I miss anything else ? :P ) are always eager to prove their driving skills to two wheelers :P

7. Traffic policeman would be rest, talk, eat, and do all the important works while vehicles continue to honk :P

8. Pedestrians are too busy to wait for signal. So they risk their lives and make use of little spaces. And when they have crossed the road, the proud smile of fooling others ( need I tell you who they are ?:P) is worth many toothpaste ads

9. Blind and deaf pedestrains who cannot see or hear the blaring horns ( Yeah, I am talking about the Ceat tyre ad. There are many 'idiots' on roads :P )

10. Plenty of space for hawkers and vehicles to move, but no space for people to walk on road.( And those who manage to, are from 'walk and talk' category and bump into others)

11. There maybe enough space inside the public transport, but still standing at the footsteps has a different pleasure

12. Roads getting slimmer ( what diet do they follow ?;) ) , while vehicles are like big fat ladies squeezing themselves in :P

13. People( read men) are too busy to follow their passion of racing. So they fulfill their dream with 100-150cc bikes. Sadly the race tracks aren't smooth too :P

14. Poor drivers. The competition is not even spared here :P

15. Those who had scored low during their study days, try hard to get atleast 60-80 :P

16. Railway tracks are more useful for crossing than the patchy roads

17. The vehicle automatically gets transported to other lace while the bike was kept for parking ( who said there is nothing called magic ? )

18. Age is just a number. Why wait till 18 ? ( co-incidentally its 18th point :P)

19. Who said two wheelers have two seaters ? You can 'plus' upto 4, which makes a sixer ( who said only cricketers can play cricket ? )

20. Agar ash karna hai to rash karo

21. Unlimited DD access .. I mean Drinking Driving ..

22. "Fine" are absolutely fine

Just 22 ? I need 1 more ... It would be co-incidental with my age .. * thinking, thinking, thinking hard*

Arey haan, gotcha !

and finally concluding with 23. While driving, brain ( read common sense) is kept aside. And while waiting ( when every squeezing through thinnest of gap has all been used up ), all thoughts begin to flood ( including calculating the budget the 'date' would cost you :P)

oopss I have more to add :P age bhaad main gaya :D

24. Tons of electricity saved with no power in roadside light ( lot of saving, set up cost is saved when there is no lamp at all ! This is perfect cost cutting. Corporates should learn this )

25. How can roads be left cleaned ? No way .. are they your home ? ( who said we all keep our home clean bdw :P) so the garbage have a home now :P

26. All 'baarat' , 'raam raam satya hai' , 'julus', 'dharanas' , 'protests' have one common place ( no award for guessing :P)

27. Who said the count of animals have been decreasing ? In every other street, you can find any one of them: cows, buffalos, cats, dogs, goats, mice, etc etc

28. Many plants and trees are grown. Just watering them is forgotten

29. Kick off the man who said India lacks sanitation facitlites. Crores of money are spend so that people can use them at their convenience and still people complain. Which other country has taken care of public so much ?

So those were my shots. I am sure, many would have been your experience too .. Come on, ab apni bakwas ride shuru karo :P

PS : This is for first time in 2 years I have written anything apart from poems and stories ( and ramblings :D)

In dust

2011-10-13T15:23:00.000+05:30

Pile of dust

heaped

on those papers

all these months

they were buried

deep in my heart

today

the graveyard

has been opened

and skeletons

of my dreams

lay still

The meeting

2011-10-12T16:25:00.001+05:30

She looks quiet different, he mumbled to himself. Who is she?

He couldn't take eyes off her. No, she wasn't gorgeous or had looks one can die for. She wasn't dressed like others who came for the party. She looked typical middle class girl. Yet there was something in her, something unusual from the crowd she was standing isolated from.

He took a glass of Pina Colada from the nearby counter, and took a sip. His neck titled to 90 degree on his right side. She was still standing, alone. He felt a strong urge to speak to her. He was confused. He never had hesitated in walking up to a girl and begin a conversation and get her to talking like they were age old friends, but today he was perplexed.

I have to talk to her, thinking so, he advanced towards her. Hardly after the fourth step, he stopped as she noticed his approach towards her. Her eyes froze his feet. He immediately turned right and spoke to a friend. He never was short of friends. Despite being his best friends birthday party, he talked to everyone like his own acquaintance. But she .. Who is she ? his thought intervened the conversation.

His body still facing the group, he tilted his feet slightly on to left side. Taking a break from the conversation, he took a sip, his eye balls spying her, scanning her curves.

He could see her more clearly now. She had a dusky complexion, her cheeks imprinted with few acne marks. Her pale lips were covered with pink lipstick, but the imperfect smearing revealed its true colors. The golden ear rings were matching her red and green chudidhar, that had embroidery at sidelines. The hair had been plaited neatly, and a white stone bindi completed her looks. From the uncomfortable standing position which she was so hard trying to cover, it was clear she hadn't worn any heels in her life and those one and half inch heeled maroon slippers were causing a lot of discomfort. He looked straight in her eyes. There it was ! He stood transfixed for sometime as he witnessed her eyelashes devoid of any mascara or even a thin kohl line, unlike other girls in the party. There weren't any spark in them, they were like a pair of normal human eyes, yet somehow it revealed her simplicity. There is something more .. something more .. he concentrated hard studying her. He looked down at her fingers, that were clinging the gift wrapper tightly. She is visiting a party for first time in her life, so the dress, so the look his instincts told him.

Not my type, and he turned towards the group, flaunting his smartness, attracting the attention of the crowd towards himself, which he loved most.

The party continued late night, and he forgot about her completely, for there were more attractiveness and sexy girls to ogle at, more curvaceous body to flirt with. He had a wonderful time, as if the party was organised specially for his enjoyment. As the clock ticked signalling the arrival of dawn, he drove back home in his BMW.

He went in to his room and fell flat on bed, closing his eyes. In a moment, her face flashed in his mind, especially her eyes. And he could see the loneliness, insecurity, a feeling of dejection, as if she was asking some help, help to tear away from something, a tear that was circling inside the cornea. He woke up, staring at the false ceiling. Strangely, he was cursing himself for not conversing with her. He felt guilty. His heart wanted to reach her. No, its not love, his mind brought him to senses. I should have spoken to her... Damn me !!

***

PS : I don't have the urge to blog anymore( perhaps the frequent disappearance, absent in commenting, hopping from one URL to another , change of identity would have already given you a clue about it! ) I had a strong urge to quit blogging now ( I do that every time but return back, but not this time), so penned this story. I know I don't write bad, I have 1000 things to write on, but still blogging doesn't seem interesting anymore ( I was once used to be so passionate about it ! ) Any advice/suggestions ?

Right or Wrong ?

2011-10-11T15:21:00.000+05:30

Image

What was right

is wrong now

What seemed wrong

is just right

***

The wrong step

at right times

made things right

at wrong times

***

Will you know

right about wrong ?

Will the wrong

make you right ?

***

Don't ever question

right or wrong

Wrong turns right

Right swaps wrong

***

Sometimes right things

make you wrong

and wrong things

turn out right

***

If its wrong

to be right

then be right

and do wrong

***

Words are always

right for you

but still they'd

make things wrong

***

Right was wrong

Wrong was right

right became wrong

Wrong became right

***

These emerged when

all went wrong

Yet I'm sure

track was right.

He - She : The conversation

2011-10-11T14:21:00.000+05:30

He : Where were you ? I have been waiting for you from such a long time ?

She : Ummm sorry *smiles*

He : This is not gonna work. You can't be late every time and escape with your smile. *serious face*

She : Oh come on darling .. next time, I wont be late .. promise ..

He : *still straight face*

She : Please, please , pleaseeeeeee

He : *no response*

She : Come on .. Dont make a fuss on such a silly issue ..

He : *angry tone* Oh, so this is silly for you huh ? Yeah, it is. Because its not you who is waiting like a stupid na ?

She : I told you I am sorry. What else you want me to do ?

He : *silent*

She : Now say !

He : I want to break up with you

She : What ???? *shocked*

He : You heard right *still straight face*

She : *breaks down in tears*

He : No use of crying now. You know me.

She : I know you, that's why I love you so much. You are so smart, witty, a problem solver, who can take up challenges, who can guide me when I am down, and ...

He : If you think praising me would help in taking back my words, then you are wrong ..

She : *stares at him* You think so I am telling this to ....

He : I have thought enough .. Free me from your clutches

She : *too dumb to speak*

*A long silence*

She : Atleast tell me reason for this decision ?

He : You

She : Me ? Did I hurt you ? Did I do something wrong ?

He : Don't act innocent. Your behavior, emotional and sensitive nature, your mood swings irritates me to the core. It disturbs me. I am losing the focus of my goal..

She : And I thought I was helping you by being chirpy *speaking to herself*

He : Good bye. Had a good time with you.

She : Go, but remember, where ever you go, when ever you are disturbed, I will be as restless as you. I may get many admirers, but I will wait for you. Just for you ...

He : *to himself* I will miss you too ..

***

PS : From the very second I wrote my last post, this conversation was running in my mind. So this is dedicated to the weird couple - Mr. Mind and Ms. Heart <3 :)

Parallel Lines

2011-10-10T16:28:00.000+05:30

two lines

together

yet

they never met

walking

in same direction

facing

same complications

obstacles

blocked their path

yet they continued

their way

failing

to understand

its signal -

the empty spaces

between them

were meant to be filled

They looked

at other side

envious

of circles

around them

with emptiness

between them

they continued

to tread

on unknown path

Seasons changed

their existence challenged

yet till date

they remain parallel -

a pair

always together

yet each

in their shell

PS : The 'lines' here are nicknames of Mr.Mind and Ms. Heart :)

Fault

2011-10-09T18:56:00.003+05:30

I was crossing the street. I was cursed again, for crossing their path. It hurt. I thought I had the freedom, freedom to do anything, everything. They say both genders are equal. They say the color of skin doesn't matter. Why then am I doomed? Avoided? Is it my fault to be the "black cat"?

PS: Anyone had any experience/seen "unfortunate" event because of black cat crossing their path?

Eureka

2011-10-08T12:51:00.000+05:30

Image

Troubled mind circles

inside unsolved puzzle, plays

with unmatched numbers

A solution looks

impossible, unaware

where answer resides

Roll and throw the dice

mix complications, wait for

eureka moment

Haiku Heights

Dream

2011-10-07T15:27:00.000+05:30

Image

... now that I have

lived the life

which existed

only in dreams

I wake up

to find

life

more beautiful

I still long

to sleep

and wish

the dream

goes on

and on

but now

the reality

resembles

my dream

Some dreams

that were forgotten

in this dream

now seems

to have

got a place

they bubble

every now and then

happy

to find

their new love

A new chapter

now awaits

despite the previous

incomplete one

in hope that

in course of dreams

some day

they will

come true ..

I have often noticed, after a break up, people wallow more in self pity, questioning, why, how, when all this happened. Sometimes it happens knowingly, most of the times, life gives a hard blow. I have been no exception to this, falling on knees and begging for love. Time may teach you to live without it, but it definitely can't make you forget it. Its only few of us, who can stop fighting with their present, and accept their past (read love) as a (return) gift from life, to find life is more than just love. I am that lucky one, who, thankfully , have learned to move on. So with this poem, I am treasuring the incomplete dream that made me love life more, and move on to dreams that were forgotten in circle of love.

Friendship

2011-10-05T13:06:00.002+05:30

Tears welled up my eyes. I tried to wipe them again. You have to act strong, you have to... But has heart ever listened to mind ? It was bleeding, bleeding in form of salty water. I looked at my mobile again. Call me back, please ? Don't say its over.. No, it can't be ! I love you, you know that, don't you ?Don't eject me out of your life.. our life .. But the mobile didn't move. Its stillness was causing greater damage, the impact of which, wasn't something that can be even thought of.

I grabbed the mobile and dialed Vicky's number. With every ring, my eyes moistened more and more. Pick up Vicky, please!

" Haa " he was yawning. " hello "

"Vix" I couldn't say anything more than this..

" Hey Priya, what happened ?"

"Vix"

" Wait, coming." and he disconnected the call.

I don't how those five minutes seemed just like one, but I heard the doorbell next moment. It knew it was him. I ran to the wooden door and hugged him tight, crying loudly. He hugged me back tight, tighter than he usually does, and it seemed so comforting.

" Hush my dear.. Its okay. Cry your heart out" he smoothed my hair, as I clutched him tighter in my arms. I cried like hell. I wanted to let every pain out, every bloody pain.

I don't know how long we were stiffened like this, but when my eyes emptied its tank, I loosened him from my hug, my eyes still unable to meet his. He held my hands and walked me up to my room. I followed him and didn't utter a word. Neither did he.

With one warm palm wrapped around my cold numb hands, he brightened the dark room with lights. Dragging me to the bed, he made sure I was seated comfortably. Seeing me dripping with sweat, he went to switch on the AC, and came and sat next to me.

There was silence in the room, except for the occasional noise my old AC made now and then. My breath began to get normal as the room was being soothed with cool air.

" We broke up"

Silence

" I loved him so much, loved like a mad. I don't know why he did this. I don't know what wrong I did. I can't take this Vicky."

He raised his eyebrows at Vicky, yet kept quiet. It wasn't his time yet.

" Was I nothing to him ? How could he hurt me like this ? " tears stormed in again. I couldn't speak anything, nothing at all, yet I was. And he was listening that, intently.

" Priya" he finally uttered after a long silent talk.

" I am glad you remember my name " he winked with his genuine smile which I always see on his face.

I looked in his eyes, wondering what he meant by this.

" Relax baby. I know you are upset. But you know what I like when you are disturbed? You call me my real name and not Vix" he grinned, and somewhere, a corner of my lips loosened too.

Seeing his attempt to relax me being successful at first step, he grabbed my hand and stormed out of the room saying" Come with me"

" But where ? "

" Just come" and by the time he completed this, we were on his bike

He kick start his bike and took me for a ride. It had been a long time since we went out. Cell phone had given us the comfort of being together, but it robbed us of our endless chatter with a coffee cup.

We had a lot of fun, slipping back to our old days, eating roadside ice creams, drinking cutting chai, and what not.

It was almost dawn when he dropped me back home. I hadn't noticed it before, but I was smiling, was back to myself. And it was only then that I remembered he was having his final exams , and he should have been sleeping !

" You have your exam tomorrow! Err... I mean today "

" So ?" he smiled, as if it didn't make any difference.

" You should have been studying or sleeping " I went serious.

" Take care" and he was gone in next second

I stood there, with a smile, tears visiting me again. As far as I have you, I wouldn't have a thing to worry about Vix. I love our friendship. I wish I would love some one like you

***

Diya smiled. She was happy, happy with her story. Life may not be so lucky for me, but in my stories, I will always have a friend whom I can rely on, who will do anything to make me happy, who would be with me when I need him , no matter what, who would be my bestest buddy. Words have the power to do anything, render any feeling ..

3WW

PS : This story was in my mind from past few weeks. Finally, I wrote it :P

Broken Dreams

2011-10-04T13:10:00.001+05:30

Image

A warm hand

entwines

my cold one

a pair of eyeballs

stares me

while mine

goes blind

broad shoulders

enclose me

as I shrink

Heart of stone

begins

to feel softness

Silence replaces

deafening words

touch of love

shakes the

epitome of hatred

an unknown language

unravels its beauty

and then

the dream remains

incomplete

One Single Impression

Last option

2011-09-30T11:50:00.001+05:30

Image

To lend you support

or break the bond, let me be

the last option

Height of Haiku Challenge

Empire

2011-09-29T12:23:00.000+05:30

Image

Weaving delicate

empire at its pace, lost

in his own rhythm

Height of Haiku Challenge

Nauseated

2011-09-28T15:22:00.001+05:30

Image

Charms of past cherish

heart, unfulfilled guarantee

leaves nauseated

Height of Haiku Challenge, 3WW

Poise

2011-09-27T13:07:00.000+05:30

Image

Balance at a point

with all weight underneath, can

inverted cone poise ?

Height of Haiku Challenge

Rise

2011-09-26T11:03:00.002+05:30

Image

The cheerful bubble

hollow inside, yet like a

phoenix touches heights

Haiku Heights Challenge

Identity

2011-09-25T12:49:00.003+05:30

Image

In journey of dreams

words amuse, breaks and create

new identity

Haiku Heights Challenge , One Single Impression

Lost

2011-09-24T11:03:00.002+05:30

Image

Colorful world sinks

in shades of grey, nude earth cries

with greenery lost

For HH

Beauty

2011-09-23T13:37:00.001+05:30

Image

In few drops reside

the beauty, why then salty

water always blamed ?

For Haiku Heights , Haiku My Heart

Chimes

2011-09-16T14:31:00.000+05:30

Strings strung together

with metals, melody of life

plays in silent breeze

For HH
Image : Google

Away

2011-09-15T12:10:00.000+05:30

Miles away

from each other

I wonder

what widens

the distance

between us

but your coldness

gives me warmth

with a smile

if you ever knew

how mad I am

for you

it would have been

difficult

for you

to survive

with frozen thoughts !

Effort

2011-09-05T14:09:00.000+05:30

I pressed harder. With all energy I can. It still didn't work out. Or, to be more apt, the results weren't satisfying. I saw little drops as I squeezed tighter. But that's not what I wanted. I wanted the flow, the natural flow which I love. I was too exhausted now...

Damn the writer's block !

Hope

2011-09-04T16:17:00.000+05:30

Google Images

Hope lived.

The other day

she died

Hell

2011-09-03T15:05:00.000+05:30

Google Images

Its dark here. Pitch black, with blood. I can't see it, but I can very well smell it. I haven't lost this sense, not yet. Wails and screams from all direction hit my head. The painful screech makes my own cries sound mute. I can hear rumbling noise which fuels the scream. I wish to ease somebody's pain, but every part of me is chained. Its immovable. I am being tormented, just like the millions around me. We all are burning in the same furnace. The temperature is rising ten folds every second. But this place is strange. Quiet strange. The creatures are weird here.There is nothing here, except pain, pain and pain. There is no escape route. I don't want also. Because I am used to this. That's why I had chosen suicide.

Life is no different here. Then why did I ever die ??

***

PS : This fiction is little weird, I know. I am just trying to understand why do people commit suicide ? For want of escape from troubles ? Or to go in an illusionary next world that is fantasied to be free of sorrows or pain ? Or to willingly cause pain to those who loved them, coz they had been ignored awhile ? Someone I know took that extreme step, despite having everything, every comfort, lots and lots of love around her. And her death news came a blow. I am shaken, from inside, unable to push some thoughts, most of about circle of life and death. Sounds funny,but feel like virakti from this sansar. Is this a momentary feeling ? Whatever, I just need to come out of this web. Its engulfing me deeper into its trap.

Sunshine

2011-08-29T14:56:00.000+05:30

Google Images

Your dusky skin

deepens darkness

but

in your eyes

I find sunshine

Quit

2011-08-27T10:20:00.000+05:30

Image

To quit or not to quit ?

With this I am bidding adieu to blogging. It was nice sharing the space here.If at all I will be back, it will not be this place. Thanks and *hugs and kisses* to every bloggie who liked/loved/disliked my blog. *Mwah* Happy life ahead !

You - Me

2011-08-26T11:09:00.000+05:30

Image

Everyday

I get to know

a different shade

of you

in it

I find

a different me

Breathe

2011-08-25T21:28:00.000+05:30

Everyday same thought

confines happiness, will mind

liberate to breathe ?

For HH

Unaware

2011-08-24T15:26:00.000+05:30

Image

Dreams glide in cradle

lullabies lie, unaware

to adapt dreary life

For 3WW, HH

An Unposted Letter - 2

2011-08-24T14:43:00.000+05:30

Dearest Me,

I didn't expect I will meet you again so soon. But I couldn't postpone it anymore. If I did, perhaps you might have never heard from me.

Don't worry. I will be alive. I have tales to tell. I am never short of that.

Unlike my previous letter, you gonna be lot disappointed this time, for all that's gonna come out is poison.

Would you laugh too if I confess to you how right now I am feeling ? The word horrible sounds too very low. Nothing is good, except that tears haven't gushed in till now. Well I better stop blabbering and come direct to the very purpose of me scribbling stuffs.

" You are a big disappointment, you are proving to be a shame for us. The good name that your sisters earned, we thought you will go a step ahead of them, but no .. You have wasted your three years of life. You are good for nothing. " Needless to say, this came from Mom, while I was having lunch. It was difficult for me to gulp the food. I wanted to scream, but as usual, I was dumb. Unlike every time listening to all her killing words, this time I just got up and went to a different place to have my lunch, and I did have completely. I am wondering now. Why wasn't I able to ask the question which could have torn her apart on her birthday ? Why was I quiet ? How could I eat even after those words ringing in my head ? Perhaps I know the answer for last question. I wouldn't say it doesn't affect me anymore. It does, and no matter how much I try to brush that aside, no matter how much I pretend I don't exist, I can't deny the truth which I hopelessly try to run away from.

And every little thing just comes back. I have everything in the world one needs. Family, food, shelter, clothes, warmth, security, money, freedom, education, luxury, everything. And despite that I am never happy. Can never be also.

It was just a long silence from an unexpected ( or rather too much expectation ??) person that twisted the pattern of my thoughts. Chuck the first 3 ( coz there are only 'most hurting' things my memory has stored which includes being thrown from the balcony ) , taking that 20 years of life, where one goes through the roller coaster ride of life, golden childhood, mysterious adolescent and fun filled young years, despite having everything under the sun, I have missed it all. True, I can't deny some of the most wonderful persons I have met, some unexpected turns of life, but then you can't focus on one unhurt finger when your whole hand is bleeding. There was a time, till 10th or so, when I never knew what is tension, and now when I compare myself, there is not a moment when I am not scared, when I am not breaking inside, when I don't fake, when I am not suffocating for being me ( rather not being me)

Mom's words are scathing, and not just hers, its like everyone in their turns, do so. And I really can't help to think why am I so so dumb ?? Why can't I make some things clearly ?? Why can't I be firm on my stand at few things ? Why do I still give up my dreams when all these years, they never have and never will realize its worth in my life. Ah.. the tears, I hate them now. And this moment they are wetting my cheek.

Dreams .. 20+ years. And today I realize what my dream is. Azadi, from the clutches of my own parents, from my own family. I know when any of the family members, or for that matter any stranger reads this, I will be looked down upon as the most ungrateful child /sibling, and what not .. Even by mistake when they ask me the reason why, I won't have an answer. Rather they would either think me as silly or ... I don't know why I am thinking so much.

Tell me my reflection, is that a dream at all ???? No , its not that I never had dreams. When I was in 7th, I wanted to be doctor. But when I was forced to take up commerce, it took time for me to get out of that, and when I did, I wanted to pursue law, for I felt I was good at arguments ( I still am :P ), when that was wasn't allowed, I wanted to be a writer, but then I was poorest at words. And then I wanted to be a journalist. Again, a biggest no. I always changed my route, to be flexible, so that in their eyes, at least some time I will get their attention, some love ... And today it hurts me most as I realize that in changing my ways every now and then, for a craving to be accepted as one among them , despite being different, I acted like a fool and gave up everything. Now if I ask myself what is my dream, I don't have an answer. I haven't been good at anything, never even tried that I should keep working on them, I just expected them that one day they will understand. I never thought that I would need to fight with people I love most for my dreams. Of course, I am to be blamed. I expected them to be nice and understanding every time I changed my ways for them. Why was I so stupid ???

From the time I have understood life, there has never been a day when I haven't silently prayed to God to kill me, even during the best times of life, even when I was in love. Nothing lasts, not even myself. I still pray, but only He knows His ways. I pray hard these days, not to test me anymore and He gives me one blow after another.

Will I ever get to know the purpose of my life ??

I want to run away from here, but the world outside will eat me up. I know that, my heart trembles at the thought of it. I will made a victim of someone's unquenchable lust. I don't have anyone to go to, any place to stay, any body to turn to, anyone to even my open my heart to. Is that's why I am penning down here so as get some pitiful solace from strangers ?? No .. I don't like to be pitied. That much I know.But then, why words that were supposed to be confined amidst the pages of diary are out in the public, to be accessed by people I don't even know. Maybe, I am really out of my mind.

Some one had said, life is about survival. Another question that I ask to myself is how ? Within the walls I am dying, outside the walls I will be killed. How then do I survive ? Love ? what the fuck ? Love just adds pains , as its doing now ..

I still have no dreams, no place, no person, no answers. Its gonna be like this. Forever. And the truth is I have never been able to accept this truth. What a pity.

Certainly Uncertain # 33

2011-08-23T17:50:00.000+05:30

Image

If it is my fault, you cannot do anything unless I change it

If its your fault , I cannot do anything unless you change it.

Reflection

2011-08-22T16:19:00.000+05:30

I take

the brush

to imprison

her every emotion

and bring alive

her features

in colours

pink for luscious lips

brown shapely hips

blue expressive eyes

or wheatish slim thighs

clad in red dress

not to forget, thick eyelashes

as I begin

to capture her beauty

all that comes

are dark shades

little deeper

whilst some fades

perhaps that's her reflection

of simplicity

that's drowned in

tainted purity

Image

Drenched

2011-08-19T19:56:00.000+05:30

“ You look sexy when you are wet “ the words echoed in her mind.

She looked at the cross. With a candle in her hand and his picture in the mind, she rested the melting wax. Like many, he too was another victim of terrorist attack.

She was drenched again, but today in tears ..

Written for Thursday Tales, with pic from here.

PS : Writing Thursday Tales and 55fiction after a long time :)

Notes to self # 2

2011-08-18T16:30:00.000+05:30

Still I Rise

by Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops.

Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame

I rise

Up from a past that's rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise.

Chained

2011-08-17T16:30:00.000+05:30

Dreams

thoughts

people

wishes

hope

freedom

smile

love

friendship

daughter

sibling

stranger

reasons

failure

will

spirit

tears

courage

cowardice

mute

chatter

reality

nature

hurt

past

scars

future

fear

feelings

emotions
together

killing my soul

I gasp

I breathe

chained to misery

and a voice says

my life

is still viable ..

For 3WW , Image : Google

Blah Blah

2011-08-17T12:24:00.000+05:30

I am in no mood now .. SO if you are reading this, don't .. coz its gonna be a total waste of time ..

I wanted to quit blogging ( Okay, I know I tell that every now and then ), this time for once and all. But writing is something I can't quit, although the name adreamygal is just another word to me now .. Some times when I read my own words, when I was at peak, really passionate about blogging, I realize how things change, sometimes for worse. Yesterday, I was on brink. It took all of my strength not to storm into kitchen, grab that knife and empty all the blood of my body. I don't know how I didn't do that, coz no person , no promise, no face, no word could provide solace. And when I got up today morning, I wished I had died. And then I realized, I was alive, coz I wanted to. Yesterday, a part of me had indeed died. Along with it, the love and respect for my family died too, who brutally killed my dreams, my identity.

I am little scared, because I don't want anyone to know this, but I can't help. I knew someday this would happen. I always knew. And I did everything to stop that, but I failed. I know there isn't any great fault on mine, and what should have happened years back, has happened. But my heart still bleeds, I don't know if anyone else' does. Aarti, for once and all, has died. And with her some of her most cherished dreams too.

But life has to go on. I can't let myself shatter more. The state I am in, I whole heartedly pray, no girl, should ever ever feel or go through this, not even in her wildest dreams, coz its hurting. It kills, literally.

I have broken bonds, with everyone I know, including myself. I don't know what I might do next moment, of course, except suicide. I want to run away from this place, stat life afresh, where I am the center of my world, where the 'I' breathes in , and not strangled to death. I have ruined my life enough. I want to smile, laugh till my tummy aches, and forget what is tear, no, not for life time, just sometime. I know life is a mixed bag, in fact most of the times, tears can give lot of strength than the smile.

I don't know what life has in store for me. I still feel like jumping off from terrace, but I wouldn't do that. I have to live, for I still believe, life has something better for me, something that will transform me, my life...Will it happen ? Or its time for me to wake to reality and accept that life is not a dream, that's come true.In fact, it never does ...

Still confused, clueless, hopeless, alone,unsure

Unworthy

2011-08-15T20:07:00.000+05:30

unworthy is life

rot feeling

people of dreams

gifts loneliness

reality bites

heart broken

bites reality

loneliness gifts

dreams of people

feeling rot

life is unworthy

Image Source : Google

Free ?

2011-08-15T12:23:00.000+05:30

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 23; the twenty-third edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The theme for this month is FREE.

"I look around. There is darkness, and blood. I am scared. I squirm, when anybody touches me now. I am afraid, they will take away my.. Oh ! The very thought shudders me.. Why are people so cruel ? So heartless ? Why ? I despise anybody's presence, not even my dad's. His very look gives wrong signal."

A commotion outside ..

"What's happening ? Why so much of crowd ? Why these people are behind me now ? I am fine here, very much fine. I don't want to step outside, I am happy being tied up. This is far better than the world outside. I hear you saying that its time for me to be free. You are wrong Mr., absolutely wrong. A girl can never be free once she is outside of her mother's womb. In fact, she is just transferred to a bigger world of bondage and restrictions ..."

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. Happy Independence Day!

Whisper

2011-08-14T14:29:00.000+05:30

She looked at the crowd. Today there were too many of them. She wondered how she can recognize that face tonight. It was next to impossible.

She looked above once again. The stars smiled at her. She tried to smile back, but couldn't. She closed her eyes, trying best to murmur the short prayer which she always did. Today, words couldn't touch her lips. She opened her eyes. She was too scared. Scared, what if anything went wrong ? She looked at the dark sky, which resembled her thoughts and little innumerable stars which were twinkling, just like her hope. She pursed her lips and closed the eyelids tight.

" Dear Annie, I know you love him, more than I do. And you are always with him. But please take care of him now. I wish I was near him, at this moment. But you are. So please make sure he is fine. I will try my best to make him fine. But I am not sure, if my words will help him. Please, please take care of my sweetheart, ummmm sorry, your sweetheart. I know you always do, and its silly of me to say this, but Annie, I love him, I love him a lot .."

Tears were streaming her face. She wiped her tears and looked above once again. She opened her lips to say something, but held back. She knew it wasn't a right one, but still it had been in her mind for quiet sometime. She didn't knew why, but it was .. and she knew she couldn't brush that off. She could just murmur " I wish you were alive. I wish you two could be together .. But, what would I be doing without him ? I am sorry .. I am selfish, mean na ? I know I am, but I don't know why he says I am not ... "

Silence prevailed , and the whispers went mute ..

Retold

2011-08-13T20:57:00.000+05:30

Whisper of nature

echoes, in silence lessons

of life are retold

For HH, OSI

Image Source : Here

Notes to self # 1

2011-08-13T20:10:00.000+05:30

Image : Here

Its fine

2011-08-11T12:51:00.000+05:30

Its fine

I understand

life is like that

it gives smile

snatches next moment

it gives you wings

next moment

you are crawling

it gives a company

and then

you are lonely

it showers love

in an instant

hatred is all you could see

it gives you reason

some moments

you think of whys

its static

at times

it keeps changing

it gives you hope

other moment

it makes you void

life is like that

answers to some questions

aren't perfect

and it unacceptable

to some ifs , whys. buts

why some beginnings are an end

why silence is an offence ?

when confusions rule

when one looses its cool

life is like that

goes on a toss

"Its fine"

is all that comes out

when life is at loss ..

Image Source : Here

Magical Wand

2011-08-06T21:11:00.000+05:30

Continuous trials

of dreams and life, friendship is

a magical wand

For HH, OSI

Image Source : Google

An Unposted Letter

2011-08-05T17:46:00.000+05:30

To the unknown me ... who knows me well

23. Sounds too little when compared to hundreds na ? But in that 23 there is millions , of dreams, of smiles , of tears , of memories , of moments , of love , of hatred , of helplessness , of unforgettable instances , of secrets , of laughter , of broken pieces , of dead words , of unheard silence , of gifts , of surprises , of pain , of togetherness , of loneliness , of crowd , of lessons , of shocks .. and what not ...

Looking back at these 23 years of my life , I don't have any single wish that hasn't been fulfilled , but if you still ask me, I have tears in my eyes when I look back at life. I know , everyone does. Everyone has moments when they lived , when they died , together in pages of past . That's life , of course .

I don't know why I am penning this today , I am very private person , I keep things to myself . But today something nudged me to let this out . A girl who constantly think how the other person will think or react with her, today I am breaking those shackles, at least for once. I know there will be too many sudden changes from all directions, yet I have to , and its only for my sake.

Dreams, the word every girl associates and gets associated with , I am no exception. If I am alive , its because of my dreams. Of course there are people too, people of whom I have only dreamt to be in my life , and luckily , they are , well almost all . It may seem absurd or even stupidity, but I want to let you know , dreams that are closest to my heart .. dreams that I haven'e shared , even to you ..

I dreamt, to be with you A********n . I never understood what is love, the break up came both as a blow and an eye opener. There are times when unknowingly I talk to myself taking your name. It feels silly, and I shoot to myself with bullet of questions that pierce my heart , which mind doesn't have any answer. The end was there, but it could have been better. I want to meet you , just once in life. I wont have anything to say , never I had. Just one moment, one look in your eyes. One last look.

Marriage ? Hmmmmm that's one question that always changes its answers . I wish I had a third option. Sometimes I am a typical girl thinking one man will wipe away everything that needs to be and at other moment, you never exist , of course except in my dreams. If ever I meet you, will I be able to share the humiliations I went through ? the lines I had to cross ? my love affairs ? some very personal things that I don't share to myself ? They say you would come one day, I wish you do. I wish you don't . But if ever you come , will I be able to create that trust which they say , this relationship should have ? You would get loved from me, I know that well, but will I get the love I deserve , after knowing the truth ? I want to meet you , in fact marry you , just to get that answer ..

Being Capricornian by birth , I can't help with this trait. I am ambitious, very much. But I keep that in check. I have never let my dreams being built on somebody broken pieces . I have compromised on every little dream for sake of others , no , not for them , but for my own smile, which hardly came. I have ended up being a fool, not able to realize my dreams , not able to realize of others. And so I am middle of nowhere. Will I ever dare to put a stop to this ? Will I ever stand up for myself, not thinking emotionally about family , society, culture, and be what I always dreamt of ? Will I ever ever be a journalist ?? Is it still too late ??

Words. Will you give me company ? I am a writer , or am I ??? Is this just another fantasy or a reality that I never accept ??

That unknown face. Its you , ***u. There is no one who has loved me like you do. I don't think any one else can too. You mean the world to me. As always, I am searching for words. You hurt me with things you aren't even aware of , but your love, it makes up all. I am very possessive of you, although I know you never were , is and never will belong to me. If I need to thank Almighty for one best thing in this ,needless to say, its you. Every little moment, every dream , every word, every breath survives, because of you. There is one thing I always feel for you strongly. For you, just for our love, for once I feel a strong urge to cross all borders , cross the limits for you. Its very much wrong, acc to my principles and ideals. But I want to , for once

The girl I don't know. The girl who keeps my spirits high. The invisible girl , my replica or another individuality ? I don't know. Perhaps you aren't even born . Perhaps you are alone in some corner of earth. I want to come to you, take your hand and want you to call me Ma. I don't want to be your biological mother , but still I live , to hear that one sentence from you : "you are the world to me" and I prove you , "so are you, my love". Honestly, I don't know if that's because I want to live again through you or to shower love which I haven't felt in my life, but trust me, if at all I get married and have children on my own, you will still get your mother. I promise you that.

Lastly , that should have come at first, blood. Blood relations I mean.The lesser I write the better. For this is one spot that my heart refuses to merge with words. Yet I would say, if you hadn't complicated trivial things, if you could trust me even 25% as a child , as a teenager, as an adoloscent , of what you do now, life would have been ... At least, I wouldn't have felt like an orphan , at least I could have avoided 'big' mistakes of life (in your perception I mean) , at least I would have had one reason to live , at least I could have been proud of being a girl .. Was that I never understood you , or the fault was never mine ?

Dearest Me .. is this it ? Or are there some more that you are still hiding ?

No one ..

2011-08-04T18:26:00.000+05:30

I wanted to smile

I wanted to hug

But there was no one ..

I wanted to cry

I needed some comfort

But there was no one ..

I wanted to be felt special

I wanted to be pampered

But there was no one ..

I yearned for a touch

I craved for some words

But there was no one ..

I wanted to live

I wished to die

But there was no one ..

I wanted to make up for things

I wanted to part

But there was no one ...

I needed few minutes to speak

I wanted to keep listening

But there was no one ..

I needed an shoulder

I was a company

But there was no one ..

I needed a push

I needed to rest

But there was no one ..

I wanted to fly

I wanted to try

But there was no one ..

I wanted to share a lot

I wanted to hide it all

But there was no one ..

I am alone

because I have no one ..

Perhaps it was always "I" everywhere

that's why

there is no one ....

Image Source : Google

Appearance

2011-08-03T15:31:00.000+05:30

Distance with self

pierce my appearance, dosage

of love will save me ?

For 3WW, Sensational Haiku Wednesday

Image Source : Google

My creation :)

2011-08-02T16:24:00.000+05:30

I drew this. I painted this in my bedroom :) How is it ? :P

Few words ..

2011-08-01T10:32:00.000+05:30

Life ... I wonder .. so does everyone :P Anyways, nothing can soothe me more than words , and I have hardly anyone around me to brighten my dwindling hopes .. So like every book lover , I resort to going back to the black and white pages which reveals the shades of life. I am writing here some of the short poems that have touched me and still continue to add sparkles to my dying dreams ..

A word

A word is dead

when it is said,

some say

I say it just

begins to live

that day

Emily Dickinson

A Baby-Sermon

The lightning and thunder

They go and they come

But the stars and the stillness

Are always at home

George MacDonald

To see a world in a grain of sand

To see a world in a grain of sand

and Heaven in a wild flower

Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand

And eternity in an hour

William Blake

In this short life

In this short life

Thats lasts only an hour

How much -how little - is

Within our power

Emily Dickinson

First Fig

My candle burns at both ends

It will not last the night

But ah , my foes, and oh , my friends-

It gives a lovely ligh

Edna St.Vincent Millay

Self Pity

I never saw a wild thing

sorry for itself

A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough

without ever having felt sorry for itself

DH Lawrence

As I dig for Wild Orchids

As I dig for wild orchids

in the autumn fields

it is the deeply-bedded root

that I desire

not the flower

Izumi Shikibu

The sorrow of socks

Some socks are loners -

They cant live in pairs

On washdays they have shown us

They want to be loners

They puzzle their owners

They hide in dark lairs

Some socks are loners -

They wont live in pairs

Wendy Cope

Defining the problem

I can't forgive you. Even if I could

You wouldnt pardon me for seeing through you

And yet I couldnt cure myself of love

For what I thought you were before I knew you

Wendy Cope

Resume

Razors pain you

Rivers are damp

Acids stain you

And drugs cause cramp

Guns arent lawful

nooses give

Gas smells awful

You might as well live

Dorothy Parker

Give Yourself a Hug

Give yourself a hug

when you feel unloved

Give yourself a hug

when people put on airs

to make you feel a bug

Give yourself a hug

when everyone seems to give you

a cold-shoulder shrug

Give yourself a hug -

a big big hug

And keep on singing

Only one in a million like me

Only one in a million-billion-thrillion-zillion

like me

Grace Nicholas

Which one do you like ?

LIberated

2011-07-31T16:23:00.000+05:30

Confession makes one

uncomfortable , can heart ever

feel liberated ?

For OSI , HH

Fumble

2011-07-27T19:59:00.000+05:30

Frustration banter

common sense , glance at lines on hand

begins to fumble

For Sensational Haiku Wednesday , 3WW

Image Source : Google

A new chapter

2011-07-24T16:01:00.000+05:30

I am going back to job, almost after three years. Its a big step for me, very big in fact. I am expecting lot of changes, I have already started to. I have mixed feelings, feeling both good and bad, but more on good side. The very thought, is making me smile, smile from my heart. Hopefully it will turn out to be good, it should, no, it will.

But that also means I wouldn't be blogging frequently. I would miss that terribly, I will miss my love. But I will continue writing, if not here, at least on bits of paper :P

I am smiling :) after a long long time :)

Good luck , dreamy :)

PS : I had consolidated all my posts, from the time I have started to blog, in this home. And accidentally, when I looked at the number today , its 448. Wow, unbelievable ! Did I write it ? Or is it that I am still dreaming ? :P

Image from Google

Love ya all,

Effort

2011-07-24T15:43:00.000+05:30

An incomplete dream

stimulates me, will my efforts

satisfy my needs ?

Haiku Heights, One Single Impression

Image Source : Google